Surfin the Shidduch Scene

Hearts, Chocolates, Roses Galore!

2012-02-15T00:04:00.002-05:00

Happy Valentines Day y'all!

yup, can you imagine, the time has come where all those red hearts and roses and loads of chocolate are piled out there and in a in your face sorta way?

I must say, it gets annoying after a while, I mean, don't get me wrong, I LOVE chocolate, and honestly, as my good friends will attest, there is no way I can walk into any store, or down any aisle without pressing the 'squeeze me' stickers on each stuffed animal holding the rose/heart/choc. However, when ur single and in 'the game' for so long, it just tends to get well...annoying.

Yes, the ChickLits, the RomComs, they're sweet, and great to read/watch, but when your love life is well..NIL, having a whole day of dedicated to the Love of your Life and getting/giving gifts to them, or all those around you doing same, is rubbing it in.

For me, the Frum aspect of this is Vorts/engagement parties/weddings. It's all about the couple being lovey dovey, newly engaged/married and in your face. Only its ONE couple that everyone is celebrating and making a fuss about. Imagine if there was an annual group anniversary for all frum couples=there would be no room for us single folk.

So, on a day where many a couple are celebrating, or eating out, or enjoying some kinda romantic, cheesy outing/gift/film, etc. here's to all of us single folk, sitting alone infront of their pcs, eating the last chocolate from the box.....alone....

Hope next Valentines, the chocolate will be from ur hubby :D

Tribute to Ayelet Galena A"H & her AMAZING parents

2012-02-11T22:09:00.002-05:00

Warning: this post will not be about Shidduchim.

I am saddened, and heartbroken about the news that hit me like a ton of bricks, just a week and a half ago.

You see, like many of you readers, I receive the 'please say tehillim for..' and 'FW: TEHILLIM FOR...' emails and forward them to my contacts, many times without even scrolling down to read. However, when the first email about Ayelet appeared in my inbox, it was very descriptive and had some images of this pure, beautiful toddler with the big blue eyes smiling at the camera and after reading about this 1 year old and the search for a bone marrow match that her parents had spread word about, I couldn't help but NOT follow up about. So, I clicked on the link to their Facebook Fan Page and every so often would check for updates. I would continuously send out emails to say Tehillim, and from then on, a regular forwarded tehillim email, became part of me. I felt, well, like a 'fan'. After reading about what she went through that day, and the sometimes, humorous posts from her parents, I learned alot from these amazing people. Like most, I didn't know these people, yet, by them sharing what they were going through with thousands of people, I felt like I did know them.

Hindy & Seth, the parents of precious Ayelet A"H, are amazing. They kept up their strength and courage and put on their brave smiles. They kept he world up to date all the time. Anyone from anywhere around the world was just able to click on their blog and get up to date info, and sometimes even a photo of what Ayelet and her parents were going through.

And, so, when I received the email a week and a half ago, about a funeral to take place, my heart skipped a beat. I was...heartbroken to say the least. These people, these young parents, and this beautiful baby, became part of my life. Look at what they went through?! Look at how much they have suffered, at how far they have come. They found a match, Ayelet got the bone marrow, and despite all odds, she pulled through each and every time! She had just recently turned 2 and they let her go home to celebrate like a REAL 2 year old (minus the facemasks) and everything was look as good as possible. In fact, the last post that night was that so far she is stable.

I, a Frum single girl, who spends a good chunk of her time, poking fun at/complaining about/emailing/speaking, ranting about Shidduchim, the Shidduch crisis, Shadchanim and horrible dates (in the sense of GUY and actual DATE), how can I even complain about just a pesky small thing, when this 2 year old girl has been through soo much suffering. Her parents have gone through a tremendous amount of time spent in hospitals, at doctors, at her bedside, etc. What they would go through to have their child back. People, this is a wake up call. We need to appreciate all that we have been Blessed with.

We have our parents=Baruch Hashem for that

We have families=Baruch Hashem for that

Our families care about us (yes, even those annoying times, when they care too much) Baruch Hashem for that

We have friends=Baruch Hashem for that

Our friends would move worlds for us=Baruch Hashem for that

We are healthy=Baruch Hashem for that

We are happy=Baruch Hashem for that

We actually HAVE dates (even if they suck sometimes)=Baruch Hashem for that

We are safe=Baruch Hashem for that

Shadchanim are calling our house to set us up (even when they are such a nuisance)=Baruch Hashem for that

We are not suffering, our kidneys work, our hearts are beating, we are healthy, yes, we are single, but we are happy, we have families, we have friends. Think of Ayelet, and if you haven't already seen/heard/read about her, check out her website 'Eye on Ayelet' or visit her Facebook page, trust me, you will come to appreciate life. You will be happy with the small things in life. You will see that stupid things that bother(ed) you will not matter to you anymore.

This child endured such a tremendous amount of pain, she went through what no 1 year old should go through, her parents lived through all this with her, and tried to be as 'normal' as possible throughout-but they weren't normal, they were spectacular, they were unbelievable, they are true, honest, humorous, believeable, inspiring parents. We have aLOT to learn from them. Young people, thrown into parenthood, thrown into crisis, thrown into emergency situations. They got to work, they spread the word, they did all they can do. People's lives have changed because of them. I know mine did.

And so, comes this post. I feel it necessary to share this with all of you, because maybe like me, after reading about this story, you will understand why I am soo affected by this. Her loss, is devastating and has left thousands saddened. But her life was truly inspiring, and what they went through and how they lived through it is truly uplifting (to say the least)

May we all know of only Simchas and never know of such pain, heartache and suffering.

The Leather Debate

2012-02-01T23:14:00.003-05:00

OK, so here goes my issue for the day...well, it's actually been an off/on issue for the past few weeks but today I decided to post.

So, by now y'all know me-the single, Bais Yaakov-type girl, heimishe/Hungarian background, frum, with it, worldly, etc. I don't hide who I am, I wear jean skirts, I go skating, play ball, ride bikes, participate in sports, watch tv, use the internet, listen to the radio, goes to shiurim, goes to Shul, says the daily perek shira, the Shabbos Shir Hashirim, etc.

So, here's the deal-I saw this really nice jacket at a store I frequently shop at. The jacket was totally me, in every sense. It was funky, stylish, frilly but not-to-girly, short, but not-to-short, and a light beige/pink color. It had little 'cut outs' all along the bottom frill of the jacket, and the sleeves had the same. The only issue was that the jacket was.....leather.

So normally, I get it, leather is 'prust', it's like biker-type, or worse, think punker-leather collars with spikes, handcuffs, etc.

But this jacket looked 'aidel' in comparison. It looked cute, it didn't look like 'OMG-did you see what SOS was wearing......I can't believe SHE is wearing leather....I didn't think she was at THAT level.....I thought she was soo much more Frum than that....'

I felt guilty even THINKING about buying it. So I tried it on, of course, they didn't have it in my size (min hashamayim-right?) and I figured I would think about it and I can always go to another store to get it.

I spoke to my friend Ruchie about it and she had the reaction as per the above. Now, Ruchie is totally normal and openminded and knows me well. I tried to describe the jacket-but she couldn't get the 'black leather' look out of her mind. At the same time, since we both went to Bais Yaakov school, I asked her why we felt this way about it-it wasn't something particularly discussed in school. Yet, we were always taught not to judge a book by its cover, but when dating, or even as we get older, we tend to judge people by their looks, their attire, their style. So the way you dress sorta shows your personality. If you wear a skirt above your knee and short sleeves, it sorta tells people about your religious level. If you wear your tzitzis out for all to see, that shows people you are at a certain level as well.

So what does it mean if you wear leather?

To be honest, my mom wears a leather jacket (no, not the biker kind!) and no one ever said anything to me, nor have I thought anything wrong with it. I'm just wondering why I feel this way. What's the deal with leather?

A non-date Date!

2012-01-31T23:24:00.002-05:00

My good friend Avital had this whole non-date Date thing all set straight.

See? Most of us are these gushy, dreamy-eyed girls, straight out of sem, living our life of shidduchim to lead up to the 'happily ever after' but no one really thinks about the reality of the situation and what exactly happens after the happily ever after (aka wedding-jk).

Then, we get older, and as we get older, we gain more life experience, more dating experience, we meet new people, are in different situations, different surroundings and we sort of land back into reality and learn that there IS something after happily ever after and that something is "REALITY". Life is not a dream, it doesn't just 'happen', we have to sometimes make things happen, everything takes effort and once we get to where we want to be, with that effort, we appreciate it much more, as we know how hard to worked towards our goal.

Point being-Avital had this mindset about dating. She decided that dates were fake. They are all happy, polite, well-mannered, well-dressed, put together, on-your-best-behavior, go somewhere nice and grown up for 3 hours meet n greet. After the first few dates she realized that if she was going to date seriously, for marriage, she needed to do some of the everyday little things that married people do regularly to see if the guy was suitable. After all, how many married husbands do you see running to the passenger door of the car to hold the door for their wives? How many couples randomly go out during the week for drinks at a hotel lounge, or pottery painting, bowling, to the botanical gardens or a movie?

So, Avital decided that when a boy came to town to date her, she would have a 'reality' date and do something realistically, she would be doing had she been married-with this potential guy. So, they would go on grocery errands, they would help out at soup kitchens, deliver meals to hospitals, etc. Whilst not the most romantic dates-it was the most real-life situation dates. And Avital must've been doing the right thing, cuz she got married to the next guy that she dated after this decision. They had the most non-romantic dates (then again, it depends how you feel about the term of romance), but it worked.

For all I know, he proposed to her in the produce aisle over a basket of tomatoes, but in reality, she sorta had a point. I'm not the type of girl who really cares, nor needs a guy to hold a door open for me. Is it polite? sure. Is it mentchlech to do on a date? yes. Still-do I need someone to do that? will I get upset if he doesn't? nopes, I don't mind opening my own car door, and doing things myself-after all, being single for all these years I got used to it. Ya, a gal likes to be treated with respect and as if a guy cares, but dessert, a horse & buggy ride, amusement park, etc-whilst being fun, you might not get that much conversation in, you might not see how someone behaves in a real-life situation and how they handle everyday small stuff that arise.

Would you be bold enough to suggest a non-date date on your next shidduch?

GirlTalk...from single to married & still sounding stupid

2012-01-18T23:37:00.001-05:00

Heartbroken on a Crush

2012-01-18T20:47:00.003-05:00

Shades of Grey posted a comment on my last entry regarding a post on his blog quite a while back. Whilst reading the comment, I literally just found out that I guy I had the biggest crush on, and by biggest, I meant designing monograms, using his last name, nicknaming him, etc. just got engaged.

Until today I didn't know what people meant-as commented by Shades of Grey.

Maybe I'm picky, but I didn't really have any feelings for guys I dated. Perhaps it was cuz I only dated them once or a few times max, or maybe because half were losers or jerks (no offence-I'm an honest, straight out person). But, after hearing that the guy I harbored world's greatest crush on was......taken...I freaked out. I was really sad. Partly because I was sooo hopeful about us getting together. It made sooo much sense in my mind. We were, or atleast I believed, SUCH A GOOD COUPLE. He was exactly the kinda guy I was looking for.

Yes, whilst I know, not everyone is perfect, etc. even HE had some things I didn't quite approve of, but was ok with, knowing almost everything about him. Usually, when being redd shidduchim I woulda heard those things and nixed the whole idea, but because I actually knew (about) this guy, I was able to see past it.

So, Shades-of-Grey, I totally get you. It's just really weird that this whole post/comment/post came along the first time I am a bit heartbroken. I don't know what to say. I usually thought the whole crush thing with people was either fake (people wanted to BELIEVE they loved someone) or based on TV/movies e.g. Twilight tweens obsessed with that werewolf guy.

So, now I know it's true.....love is possible....or atleast what I believe until now....

There's a Time for EVERYTHING!

2012-01-17T22:34:00.002-05:00

2 great things happened this week!

2 guys I know got engaged!

well, I don't really know them-know them. except the reason why it is so great that they got engaged, was cuz both of them were suggested to me....

numerous times...

y'know, the type where the mother/grandmother/aunt/sister/in-law/cousin/neighbor/bestie think it's the BEST shidduch yet! and they don't let you forget that each time they see you.

Well, one of the guys fits into the category above. Literally, his mother met me, some mutual person suggested it whilst we were in the same room, it was REALLY awkward, cuz it was everything BUT shayach in all ways, but even tho everyone around including me KNEW it was the most retarded shidduch suggestion ever-his mother thought it was amazing and jumped at the idea. So ya, it was like avoidance anytime I knew I might be seeing her/passing her by. Yay-one down. Thank you Hashem for finding him his zivug!

Now, for dude #2, he was suggested to me like for sure 5-6 times by different people, different walks of life, cities, circles, etc. Each time I would repeat the story that the boy gave which was always greyish in the sense that there was no story really, it was just a blurred-out excuse, something to the tune of 'well, now it not really a good time...busy....trying to decide what to do with my life....on vacation...taking a break.....not available, etc.' but each time the Shadchan who suggested it would make me send the resume, the photo, the deets and get back to me with one of the above excuses. The last shadchan who called me about dude #2, was seriously and I mean seriously annoying. She picked at every phrase and pulled it apart word by word asking what I meant by that and how certain words can have a double-connotation and certain ways things were said, etc. when finally, after the longest conversation with her, she said she didn't really know dude #2, but heard about him through a mutual friend and told me she would be in touch.....so now it's a really long time later and I found out through the grapevine that dude #2 is engaged. FINALLY-all his excuses now make sense (or do they???)

So single folk=here's to continued celebrations for a week of 'a time for everything' and literally, I'm really enjoying this time! That's one guy's mom and a whole lotta other people who will not be (s)talking me anymore.

Proposal gone wrong

2012-01-17T22:33:00.001-05:00

let's hope this doesn't happen to anyone i know!

Deceiving Date Descriptions

2012-01-10T22:00:00.003-05:00

Ever feel frustrated with shidduch calls?

Now, don'tcha feel even more frustrated with making the calls and getting weird info, or info that doesn't match, or people saying different things all together-especially when these people are the 'chosen references' listed on a resume?

So, lately my friend, Huvi has been on the burnt end of the above situation. The last few boys she was suggested to all ended up being total losers and if half the information she received even matched up to the boys she dated-she would've never agreed to even date them, but obviously at this point it is too late and so more damage has been done in the dating department.

After listening to her horror stories and hearing how deceiving the info was and how some people had carefully worded their descriptions or managed to answer a question without answering the question directly, or how they skipped out the 'minor' details which they felt was minor, but which was obviously a major factor.

So, in order for all of you to avoid having horrible experiences, the lesson learned from Huvi's detrimental dating descriptions is the following.

-BE SPECIFIC in your questions

-Make sure the people you call answer the specific questions you ask

-Call atleast THREE people and ensure all the info you ask matches up to each other as well as the info received (resume)

-If you can call your own references, that is preferable

-Any worries or concerns should be directed to the Shadchan

-Body language/tone of voice and sometimes reluctance may say more than actual words

-READ BETWEEN THE LINES

good luck and hoping none of you have any surprises or spoilers on your next date!

The Disclaimer on Dates

2012-01-07T23:55:00.003-05:00

Firstly-Happy New Year!

For those still reading=assuming you didn't have someone to share your midnight/new years kiss with-let's hope that you find one by next year!

Now I'm gonna rant about people who set you up, or who wanna set you up, whom I call the 'disclaimer date' people. You know the ones who say, "I have this great guy....I really think it could work....totally sounds your type...' but then add in the little line 'I havta tell you that I honestly never met him.....don't really know him that well....heard of him......my sister/uncle/husband/wife knows him really well...' and that's where it ends. Either you date the guy or not, but whatever happens-they already wash their hands of any outcome as they claim not to know the guy or not to know him well enough-yet they do believe it's the guy for you.

Yes, well, lately I'm experiencing alot of these disclaimers-some, after I do some checking, make sense=the guy is a TOTAL NOT shayach (for lack of any other rude word) and they feel the need to mention him because he's in 'my type' of category. For others, all the info checks out, we date and then the guy ends up being a TOTAL NOT shayach (again, for lack of rude word) and then when I call back after the date, the excuse is 'well, don't get upset at me, i DID mention that I don't REALLY know him...'

How do you take that?

`Anguish That Does Not Go Away - The Singles Problem

2011-12-27T13:30:00.000-05:00

Taken from the Jewish Press-Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis,

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I am sure you get hundreds of letters a week regarding shidduchim. This letter is being penned by someone who is hoping to act as a representative on behalf of all the sad and lonely unmarried men and women in our society. I am hoping that if you share my message in whole or in part with our community it will have an effect, even if it be minute.

I am a very typical 30 something year old female, who attended typical Bais Yaakov type schools, who comes from a regular down to earth, frum – observant family, and who has an ordinary job that I go to day in and day out. I have a college degree and a master’s degree. Unfortunately, what I am missing is that I have not been blessed with finding my bashert – soul mate, yet.

Every day is very difficult for us singles, but perhaps the most painful are the Yom Tovim – the holidays – especially Yom Kippur. We hope, we daven and we dream that Hashem will answer our Tefillos – prayers and bring us only good things for the coming year. In order to make our dreams a reality, we unfortunately have to really rely on those around us to make it happen. Those close to us and those that are not. We network with anyone possible. I have emailed my personal information to so many people - an uncomfortable feeling in and of itself. More often than not, my calls are not returned, and the emails are not answered. Occasionally, I get “lucky” and someone will drop the name of an eligible guy, but then never do anything about it.. Would it be so terrible to expect that the person take an additional step and make that call? The waiting is torture.

I feel that WE – and I mean the entire Jewish community, do not do nearly as much for shidduchim as we should be doing. We all lead busy lives with many obligations, but how often do people put themselves out for others when it comes to shidduchim? And worse, how often do people commit to things and make promises and then proceed to forget about them. I have people who are close to me who have made New Year’s Resolutions and offered to help out with minor things like a follow up email or phone call to major projects like starting a shidduch group as a zechus – merit for me, but it never happens. We are about to celebrate Chanukah – life goes on and people are back to business as usual. I wonder how people can be so apathetic and never even give us singles a thought. We go to family simchas and are always labeled “the single relative”. We get through the Yom Tovim as “the single aunt”. I wonder how they can sleep comfortably at night knowing that we are suffering. I can tell you this – we singles have a hard time sleeping and getting up. I often wonder why people commit to helping if they have no intention of doing so. Why do they give hope only to dash it?

Our generation has become an “I” generation. People only have time to think of themselves, their own families and their own businesses? How about the next person? The neighbor, the relative and sadly, even the sibling? No one thinks..... No one seems to care. And now, I would like to point to an additional problem – the insensitivity, the hurtful remarks. Let me cite some examples:

This past Yom Kippur the Holiest day of the year, during the Rabbi’s speech right before Neilah (the closing prayer), someone came over to me in Shul to ask that I send my shidduch information.... she thought of someone appropriate for me. Wow, I thought, G-d is acting fast.

I followed up .... we are heading into winter, but I have yet to hear from her. Couldn’t she have called or at least e-mailed me? She picked me up only to drop me like a hot potato. Additionally, she took my time away during the last moments of Yom Kippur when I could have been saying Tehillim - Psalms. To accomplish what? To what end?

And then there are those who offer their sagacious advice and tell you “It’s time you got married”.. There are many more examples that I could cite. As I mentioned earlier, for us religious singles, the Yom Tovim – the holidays, are the most difficult to get through. Everyone is surrounded by their families, children and babies, while we stand alone. I overhear people whisper “She is such a rachmones (someone to be pitied). She must be in her thirties and still single. Very often, on the holidays, I opt out and stay at home. It is just too painful to go to shul, but staying home is not a happy solution either.

On one of these occasions, a neighbor’s married daughter knocked on my door to ask if I could watch her child at home while she went to shul with another of her children. I am not a high school teenager who babysits. Is she that clueless? Did it ever occur to her that I would do anything to take my own child to shul? And there have been many other similar situations. People take advantage, and just because they invite me to a Shabbos Seudah, they expect me to baby sit or pick up their kids at the bus stop. I often wonder what has become of us. How have we lost our chesed? I know that many of your readers will flip the page now and think to themselves, “ One of those shidduch articles again!” It takes too much time out of their busy schedules to even read about our pain and loneliness.

Are we not supposed to be “Rachmonim U B’nei Rachmonim? “Compassionate ones and the children of compassionate ones... sensitive to the suffering of others and careful of how we speak to them? Is it too much to ask for people to take a moment to make a phone call or send an e-mail?

To all the people reading this letter, permit me to make some suggestions.

It is admirable and noble to want to help with shidduchim, but be serious! Don’t name drop names because you want to feel that it shows you are doing something. Unless you have a concrete plan or serious information don’t talk about it. If you do mention someone, follow up and get back to the single person. Don’t leave anyone hanging. Your life might not be dependent on it, but ours is!

• As tempting as it might sound, don’t volunteer to do something or make calls or start a program unless you are serious and prepared to put it into work. Think through what you are offering before you actually offer it. Empty offers are painful.

• Spend time and network with everyone you know. You can’t imagine how many potential shidduchim can be made by just asking everyone if they know someone. Don’t let opportunities pass by. Network with your friends, its simple with emails and text messages. Bring it up at a table at a simcha, or after davening inshul, call relatives you don’t see, find a friend in an out of town community and network, network, network.

• Think over and over before asking a single person to baby-sit. Precisely because they don’t have children, your request is that much more painful...and this is important – don’t imagine that because we are not married, we do not have a life and have nothing to do.

Thank you Rebbetzin for sharing this letter. I am not so naive as to think that the tide will be turned through this letter, but perhaps by reading my words, some people will take it to heart, and if just one single person is spared further pain, and just one person makes just one call for ashidduch connection, it will have been worthwhile for me to write.

Suggesting a Shidduch-Chofetz Chaim

2011-12-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

EFER CHOFETZ CHAIM

Day 85 – Suggesting a Shidduch: The Balance

In light of the prohibition of misleading one’s fellow (see Days 79-80), one may be reluctant to suggest shidduchim (marriage matches) altogether; others may feel it necessary to mention every possible shortcoming of the person so as not to be guilty of misrepresenting the truth.

Few acts of chesed (kindness) can compare with that of helping to build a Jewish home. One who thinks that a certain young man may be a suitable match for a certain young woman is not responsible to investigate the two and their families before proposing the match. That is the responsibility of the parties involved and their parents.

However, the prohibition against misleading one’s fellow requires that one not suggest a shidduch unless:

(1) He believes that given what he knows of their personalities, the two could be a good match, and he is unaware of any reason the relationship should cause pain to either one.

(2) In his opinion, there is reason to believe that their meeting will ultimately result in an engagement. (It is wrong to waste a person’s time, energy and emotions!)

(3) He is not aware of any medical, emotional, or character deficiency that would render one party unfit for marriage.

(4) He does not feel that either party will have a negative influence upon the other.

(5) He is not aware that one party lacks something that the other is insistent upon, or has something to which the other has explicitly expressed strong objection.

Should there be any doubt as to whether any of these conditions have been met; the counsel of a talmid chacham (a very learned person) should be sought.

Pella Chanuka Music Video

2011-12-18T00:13:00.001-05:00

The 2-date minimum

2011-12-12T12:40:00.003-05:00

Being an out-of-towner, whenever I come to NY or the boy's city for a date, most shadchanim will ask for a 2-date minimum, meaning the guy has to agree to atleast 2 dates. I sorta agree and disagree with this.

For one, I guess it is polite and well-mannered to atleast show that you are willing to give it a second try (unless something is terribly wrong with the date/girl/guy, or obviously not shayach at all after date #1) and at the same time, usually when someone is traveling, they stay for atleast more than one day and being that the purpose they are traveling is solely for dating, its sorta an understandable thing to do.

I've been asked the same when boys come to my town to date.

I disagree with the fact that sometimes, when its a clear "no" after date #1, going out again would clearly be leading the other party on and make them think you are interested when really you are not. I've always felt bad about this, especially when the guy knows NO ONE in my town and so if the Shadchan really bothers me about this, I clearly say that I don't mind taking him out, showing him around town, etc. but as long as he knows I'm not interested-that's when the Shadchan usually turns my offer down.

Last week, my good friend Shaindy went to NY. It was a really long trip and she went out with the guy on a first date. She came back and was waiting to hear if there was going to be another date the next day or if she should arrange to take the next bus/train/flight/ride back. Either way, she was sorta in limbo for 1-2 hours waiting to hear back from the shadchan, and with time ticking by in regards to last minute reservations either for travel, or for work.

FINALLY, the shadchan called her. This is a 2-date minimum shadchan. She also told Shaindy that she HAS TO travel for this boy as no one says "no" to him and he has a list and cannot wait even 3 days for her to travel. In any case, the shadchan just told her that the boy said it wasn't for him.

Needless to say, Shaindy actually though the guy was soo polite and mentchlech, she didn't even get the impression he wasn't interested, but with 1 hour left to catch the last flight/train/bus/ride out, she quickly tried to arrange her schedule.

So, do I think he was right in not going on a 2nd date in this case? Yes, atleast he was polite and the date was pleasant and he didn't lead her on or make her waste another day of work/travel, knowing he wasn't interested. Would it have killed him to take her out again? absolutely not, but what would that accomplish?

I think that shadchanim should establish a 2 hour Maximum-which means that after a date ends, both parties have 2 hours MAX to call the shadchan with their decision, especially when its with out-of-towners, so they know where they stand and so they can make whatever arranegments are necessary, instead of waiting in limbo and not knowing what to do.

In Honor of Chanuka: Maccabeats-Miracle

2011-12-11T21:22:00.001-05:00

The 'Drei-Kopp' Shadchan

2011-12-10T23:22:00.002-05:00

So there's this shadchan who used to be big time into making shidduchim when I started dating, then eventually, other Shadchanim got more popular and this shadchan sorta faded into extinction.

Recently she called me up to let me know she was 'back in action' and by doing so, was getting more updated with time and even set herself up online with email. She asked me to send her my updated info.

I havta admit, when she called me, I was totally unprepared and my past dealings with this shadchan had really made me lose patients with her, she's the type to drive you up a wall, or as I like to say a 'drei kopp' with minor stupidities, etc. and doesn't get the hint even if you have a huge light up billboard in her face. So Basically, she then started asking me all these technical questions, which after a few minutes, I realized to understand, she didn't know how to use internet. I was beginning to get really frustrated and made some kinda excuse that I had to leave and promised to send my info.

Thank goodness she found a tutor, or maybe someone checked her emails and she received my resume. But no, folks, this was not good enough for her.

She emailed/called/left messages that my resume was not up to par with her standards. Yes-you heard me. After years of being in the system and on the market I had been told by numerous people/shadchanim/friends how to change my resume. Of course, there were those who thought it was really well-written and gave a totally clear picture as to who I was and my personality type. There were those who thought it was TMI (too much info) and asked me to keep it basic, etc.

This Shadchan took EACH word I had written and nitpicked at it. She criticized each and every word I used-literally. I sat and listened to her patiently, but that only lasted for the first 10 minutes. Honestly-I was ready to tell her to just leave me alone and that she was incompetent and that for the past few years I had been sending the same resume (updating my age with each coming year) and NO ONE seemed to have issues with it and I was set up with decent guys, contrary to what she believed I would be set up with-based on my resume. But I remained polite and found some kinda measly excuse to hang up the phone.

OK, so you think she would sorta get the hint, right?

Nopes, not this Shadchan

Again, she called me and informed me that the way I wrote it, again nit-picking the terms I used, was totally misleading and people would understand that I would need such-and-such type of guy which is clearly not what I was looking for, etc. seriously?! Yes, she was serious! So, I told her in a very kind manner, that this is how I wrote it. She came out and asked me straight if she can change things on my resume. I just said-how I sent it, is how I'd like it to be sent further but anyone was free to do whatever they want with it-it's outta my hands whatever she does.

Well, peoples, I don't know what else can be done to salvage this situation, but to say that 'drei-kopps' will always remain 'drei-kopps' and I did my hishtadlus and tried to remain at ease and polite. After all, like she explained to me on the phone, her job is to just GET ME MARRIED. I mean, she didn't say happily married, or satisfied with my bashert-just marry me off and get her $$$.

HHmmmppphhh! Why does shidduchim have to always be so frustrating! Can't this madness end?!

Get in the Chanuka Spirit!

2011-12-06T15:19:00.000-05:00

Question of Class/Manners

2011-12-03T23:38:00.002-05:00

I sorta need an opinion on the following. It has happened to me numerous times on dates and I always come home feeling like I don't know if I did the 'right' thing or not. I don't honestly believe there is a right or wrong to this situation, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this.

You go on a date and the guy takes you to a Starbucks. On the date, or in line at the coffee shop you discuss the different options, whose the coffee drinker, and of course, the all-important cholov yisroel or not question. The guy says he only drinks cholov yisroel and orders either a tea, or soy drink, or something which doesn't have an issue with the milk. The girl, aka, me, keeps cholov stam and can drink anything with regular milk, or OU-D or OK-D, so technically she can order a whole lot more.

Is it not good manners to order something cholov stam, which the guy cannot order? Is it polite to ask if he minds if you order cholov stam? Should you just smile politely and order plain black coffee with a shot of (pareve) flavor?

I usually just go with my cholov stam options, but that's cuz I'm such a coffee shop addict. But then I feel like I'm sitting there with my fancy frappe/moccacchino/latte and the guy is drinking this pathetic, dull, plain black coffee or worse-TEA!

What would you do and what do you feel is the polite/sensitive/well-mannered/proper way to handle this?

Always ASK First!

2011-11-30T22:58:00.002-05:00

Lately I've been hit by the 'send your resume' trend. By this I don't imply people calling and just asking me to send my resume....well, technically, I DO sorta mean that, but I guess the calls that have been coming in lately, and the traffic that I was causing in cyberspace by sending out all the emailed attachments, were such a nuisance that I decided to put an end to it.

I knew there was no way to actually STOP sending resumes, cuz obviously people still need my info, but there had to be SOME way I can sorta censor what I was sending, to whom, and if there was a good enough reason, other than 'well they requested you email your info', especially when half the people either already had my information emailed/faxed/given to them.

So, here was my brilliant idea: always ASK who they have in mind before sending out the info. Like, when I take down the email address where I will be sending the resume, I ask them the name of the guy in case he was suggested before, or we went out, etc.

I tried this the last few times I got calls and 3 out of 4 of the people were suggesting boys who I had heard of/dated in the past and were not shayach. Hence, I save myself the time, energy, etc of sending out my resume, saving the people time of calling/emailing back and forth all for no reason.

I told a friend of mine about my theory, and she put it to the test. Guess what? the guy she was asked to send her resume for was already suggested more than once in the past and also had her info. So she saved herself from aggravation.

That's my friendly advice=it can't hurt to ask first!

Viral Proposal

2011-11-25T10:12:00.002-05:00

Is There a Maximum Amount of Times to Get Redd?

2011-11-22T00:29:00.002-05:00

OK, so here's what's been on my mind this week:

how many times can you get 'redd' to the same guy in your entire singlehood (term made up by yours truly)?

I know there are only 'so many' single guys out there, and it narrows down the list of single men when you get more specific to what 'type' of guy you want, and then there's background, religious level, working/learning, etc. so the pool of guys I get offered to are usually friends with each other-which works out GREAT in terms of getting info=I go out with one guy, he mentions a few friends, 2 of which I've heard of, and I get to sorta find out about them thru him=well, mostly NOT, cuz I usually don't ask about other single guys when I'm out with one, but ok.

So then there's the people who believe that if you heard of a guy a few times, it must mean something. Ya-been there & done that, more than once and trust me=the only thing it DID mean, was there was a real good reason all those other times never worked out=NOT FOR ME.

But then recently, a few separate people mentioned the same guy, who was redd to me more than once a few years back and nothing came of it. Should I get annoyed? or just politely say thank you and decline?

"The Shidduch Hits the Fan" - The Groggers

2011-11-15T11:12:00.001-05:00

The NASI Project

2011-11-10T20:49:00.003-05:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, cuz I don't exactly have the exact facts & figures about this Nasi program, but I've definitely been hearing about the whole controversy since they last advertised.

Personally, I stopped reading the Yated, Hamodia, Jewish Press, etc. not because of anything specific (I got into chicflicks!) so I heard about this from family and friends and I'm upset about it.

I think that however nice and thoughtful it is that people are getting together and forming organizations to try and help the singles get married, the fact that money is involved-and by money I mean that they decide, dependent on the single's age, etc. how much one should pay, is disgusting.

Whilst, I agree that everyone who works in the field of shidduchim works hard, whether the date continues on or doesn't even happen, and yes, they should get paid, personally, I think this whole money issue is sick. Here's why:

If a couple, nebech, has been married a while and wasn't yet Blessed with children and obviously, they did whatever they can, went around for Brachos, seen doctors, etc. and they go to one Frum organization willing to help these couples and the organization tells them 'well, we can TRY, there are no guarantees, but if your childless for 5+ years you gotta pay $1000, and if your childless for 7+ years, you gotta pay $1500, etc. doesn't that leave a bad taste in their mouth? The organization is totally taking advantage of someone else's pain, AND without any guarantees. All these people who so-call 'volunteer' for these things are not, in my eyes, volunteers, they are busy putting prices on our pain!

Imagine a family with 3-4 kids on the market, all within 1-2 years age difference=they will pay so much money and for what?

Aside from the fact that there is a Halachic obligation to pay Shadchanus, which I believe, most people pay and they pay whatever they feel is the correct amount or whatever they can afford.

So, basically, the fact that people who say they wanna help and put a price on my age (based on all the misery I've been through, all the comments I get from people at Chasunas, or wherever, all the horrible dates, all the Shadchan interviews, the long trips to NY or wherever the guy has been, etc. and the price gets higher the longer you've been in the system) I think it's just wrong.

A human being cannot decide to price a person based on age, never mind based on anything else. My husband to be is priceless, this experience is priceless and all the 'volunteers, shadchans, family, friends, shidduch-redders', they are just a Shliach of Hashem.

Kate-Welcome to the Frum world!

2011-11-05T23:36:00.002-04:00

The last few days the media has been focusing on the rumours that Kate Middleton is expecting. From the photos, to what she didn't eat, to the videos to the psycho-analysts, this is what the world is busy with. After all, we all love her, but c'mon isn't everyone entitled to their privacy, even the Royals? I mean they kept her wedding dress tightly under wraps, as well as the honeymoon plans, can't the media just leave her/them, alone until the Royal couple decides to make an official statement when they are ready for the world to know?

Well, Kate, welcome to our world. You turn 18 and suddenly you're thrust onto the market. If you look good, people give you the look and start to wonder if you're dating/getting engaged that day. If you're hair/makeup/dress is different, you get eyes all over you, people speculating exactly why there is a change in/about you.

And when finally, you get engaged and it's official and you have the beautiful wedding you've always dreamed of-it ain't over yet. From the sheva brachos until you put on maternity-people have their eye on you. The way you stand, where you put your hands, what you drink/eat, what you're wearing, if you've gained/lost weight. We all know what they're thinking, we all know what's on their minds, but c'mon people: leave the newlyweds ALONE! Can't everyone enjoy some privacy? Trust me, when they're ready to tell you-they will. When there's news-you'll know. There's no need for discussions, looks, speculations and judgment in the interim.

We all know the order in the life-cycle and eventually everyone gets to whatever stage they need to in due time. When they're ready to share any personal information-it's their decision to share it. So no questions should be asked, no comments should be made, no looks should be given. Just do the adult thing and leave them be, until they're ready to share.

What's the Rush

2011-11-03T14:32:00.002-04:00

I was pressured by a Shadchan to give an answer for a guy that she suggested to me, only 3 days earlier. I explained to her that I was trying my best to give her an answer, however I couldn't get through to any of the references provided and the people whom I called, not on the resume, didn't seem to even know of the family, let alone the boy.

She kept calling and explaining how I can't just leave things and let people wait around. But no matter how polite I was, in explaining that I wasn't leaving things and was doing my best to find out info, she just seemed to get more frustrated.

Last we spoke, was 2 days after that when I called her to get some more specific details in order to see if there was anyone I can call who might know them from these details but she refused to provide them to me. Instead I listened for 20 minutes while she 'kindly' told me off and how AMAZING the guy was and how NO girl in her right mind even looks into him. His name is gold, basically, and when a girl gets a 'yes' from this guy, they just go out, like that night.

So, finally, after failing to get any info and/or getting through to any references, I caved. I called her and told her that I would go out.

The response: well, because I called her back with an answer which was NOT immediate (aka a few hours later), the guy would only be available to go out with me in 2 weeks time.

So, I ask.....WHAT IS THE RUSH?!?!

Sloppy Seconds

2011-10-31T11:07:00.003-04:00

OK, my singledoms, I'm quite frustrated (again!)

Here's the deal:

There's me, the single out-of-town gal in Shidduchim, and there's my first cousin, who also shares the same last name, from the same town, who, even though is a few years my junior, is also in Shidduchim.

Now, although we share the same last name, the same family background and similar genes, and we're looking for the same type of guy, we're two very different girls! We don't look alike, we have different personalities, or what I like to refer to as 'me=the zany, she=the brainy' and we may share similar values, but again, are 2 separate beings.

Here's wherein the frustration lies.

Because our last name is uncommon and we're both from a small out-of-town town, and we're both looking for a guy in the same category, we often get 'redd' the same guys. B"H I'm close with my cousin and we share our dating stories, etc. and this is how we found out that we either were redd to the same or dated the same boys. But lately, what is happening is that a guy gets suggested for me and then decides that because we're the same age, he's not interested, but then goes for my cousin, just because her age 'fits', so to speak. This happens because it goes through the same Shadchan. For example, 'Reuven Shimon' gets my profile, looks into me, the shadchan sings my praises but then he finds out that we're the same age, or really close in age and says no due to that fact alone. The Shadchan then says, he's such a great guy, and she has a cousin looking for the same type, but she's younger, maybe he'll go for the cousin, and then that's how the story goes.

So, ya, I'm frustrated because we are constantly being put together as the same person only with 2 different ages. my cousin is getting frustrated as she's only getting suggested to these boys because they think she's a younger version of me=she's getting my sloppy seconds, so to speak.

So, how do you think we can stop this from happening? Like I can't help what happens without my knowledge and what shadchans and/or other people say/suggest/email, but I guess as long as we have the same last name, the same hometown and same specs on the type of guy, it'll just keep happening, huh?

The REAL Shidduch questions to ask

2011-10-30T01:46:00.002-04:00

Chazal tell us that Noach used a “secret weapon” with which he was able to rebuild the world anew after the destruction of the flood: "vbch sxj okug"/ R’ Mordechai Gifter ZT”L explains that the fact that Noach was locked inside a floating ark for 120 days with nothing to do but chessed - kindness for his family, kindness for the animals - was for the sole purpose of entrenching the ideal of chessed into his very fiber so that when it would be time to come out and start all over

again, he would do so with the attribute of kindness. This was - and continues to be - the only way the world can exist.

It is told that one day a Yid from Yerushalayim traveled to Bnei Brak to ask the Rosh Yeshivah of Ponevezh, R’ Shmuel Rozovsky ZT”L, about a boy in the yeshivah for his daughter who had reached marriageable age. He arrived at the yeshivah and entered the Rosh Yeshivah’s home during the break between learning sessions.

R’ Shmuel greeted him cordially and asked why he had come. He explained to the Rosh Yeshivah that he was inquiring about a particular boy and R’ Shmuel told him to ask what was on his mind.

The man wanted to know, first and foremost, how many hours a day did the bochur learn? Was he punctual in arriving to Seder and did he spend his time diligently? Does he come to davening on time and does he actively participate in the Shiur? Does he ask relevant questions and does he understand the answers?

R’ Shmuel knew the boy well and was able to answer each and every question satisfactorily. After receiving a favorable report in regard to his questions, the man thanked R’ Shmuel for his time and began to get up to leave. At this point, R’ Shmuel in his gentle and noble manner, turned to the father and said, “Until now, you’ve asked me a number of questions. Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?” Of course, the man agreed.

R’ Shmuel looked at the man and said, “It seems to me that you are inquiring about the boy for your daughter and you seem happy with the report I gave you. You obviously think that all your daughter needs to know is whether he comes on time and if he is a lamdan, a boy who is studious and well-versed in the intricacies of the Talmud.” The man nodded his head in agreement. “Did it ever occur to you,” asked R’ Shmuel, “do you think it is entirely possible that your daughter would like to know if this boy is a mentsch? If he is a Baal Chessed?”

R’ Shmuel continued. “It would seem fitting that you should ask me: How often does he brush his teeth? Is he pleasant to sit next to? How does he behave in the company of others? Does he arrive first to the dining room and take the biggest portion, or does he linger after mincha for a few minutes to learn with his study partner and eat whatever portion is left?”

The man began to answer but R’ Shmuel just continued speaking. “I’m sure your daughter would be curious to know what does he do when the pitcher is empty on the table; does he wait for someone else to fill it up or does he run to fill it up himself? Does he ever go into the kitchen to thank the staff for preparing the food? Does he eat the food even if he doesn’t like it and thanks them graciously for preparing it or does he just go to the nearby kiosk to buy something he likes?

“You came to the conclusion that he is a masmid; did you ask what he does when he finishes learning late at night and his roommates are sleeping? Does he take off his shoes and tiptoe in so as not to wake them or does he walk in noisily? Does he make his bed and keep his things neat? Does he think about others and want to do chessed for them or does he just think about himself?” R’ Shmuel concluded, “I think that you need to check these things out. If he is spoiled and he arrives home in the afternoon and does not like the food your daughter will work hard to prepare, will his face crumple in obvious dissatisfaction? Will your daughter then be happy that her father checked the boy out with the Rosh Yeshivah who told him that he knows every Ketzos and Rabbi Akiva Eiger? Will you daughter say, it’s true that he has no manners and no social skills but I respect him anyway because he knows the sugya of the bees and the mustard in Bava Basra?”

The man hung his head in shame - but he got the message. This is was R’ Shmuel’s approach to finding the proper shidduch for a bas yisroel.

Taken from Torah Tavlin Parshas Noach

How does it Work?

2011-10-26T11:39:00.003-04:00

Guys-I need your help here. I need to sorta understand how men work when it comes to being frum in regards to certain things and being lax in others.

So, I consider myself a Bais Yaakov-outta town girl. I'm relaxed, fun, worldly, have internet, watch tv, listen to radio, but I go to shiurim, I go to Shul, I daven, I dress tzniusdik and I am Shomer Negiah and don't hang out with guys.

Whilst I have friends who are all of the above, none of the above, or only some of the above, that's the beauty of being different, right?

And so, I have dated guys from all different walks of life, different personalities, different backgrounds and levels of frumkeit.

So here's what I don't get. How do you decide which of the following to be makpid on, i.e. only eating cholov yisroel, not watching movies, not listening to kol isha, etc. whilst being lax on others, i.e. going to a sports bar, listening to the radio, wearing jeans, etc.

And can you mix the two?

I'm not judging here, cuz I have nothing specific, I'm just trying to understand how it works. Like if I go out with a guy who only wears white shirts and black pants, is from a very yeshivish family, doesn't watch movies, listen to music, comes from a small community, and then he tells me that he watches American Idol, is that considered normal or 'black sheep'?

I HATE playing 'The Game'

2011-10-24T21:41:00.002-04:00

Last week I called yet another NEW Shadchan.

y'know those people you randomly meet, or the nice neighbors whose daughter of 18 1/2 years just got engaged, so now they feel they can share their segulah secrets, and give you the name of all Shadchanim they dealt with, etc. Ya, so basically, we got some more numbers and made some more introductions, well, y'all know the drill....

After all the calls and emails and texts, one of the Shadchanim actually got in touch and agreed to meet me. So, there I was yapping away, telling the Shadchan about all my horror date stories and making fun of the real bad ones and it was totally cool. I was actually beginning to like the Shadchan when the topic of sending photos came into play. I explained how I felt, honestly, and how I understood that photos are great-you can save yourself alot of time, effort and traveling sometimes just by viewing one, but at the same time, it should be a give & take thing=boy wants photo, he should send one as well, etc.

side note-I've done this in the past and it has worked well. I don't mean it worked well as in I got tons of pix of hot guys, but I mean that both sides were mature about it, cooperated, sent pix, were honest about whether after viewing the pix they wanted to go ahead and case closed.

I guess that was my downfall cuz then the Shadchan went on a whole rant about having to play the 'Shidduch Game'. No offense my single friends, but I HATE to play any type of Shidduch game. Ya, I LOVE to play-sports, dance dance, farmville, scrabble, anything fun and exciting, but when it comes to real people and people's lives and emotions=there are no fun & games involved in such things. I explained that I'm an honest person and as much as I love crazy things and acting all nutso sometimes, I can't fake anything, nor can I play along with any games, just so that a guy would be willing to go out with me-it's just soo not my thing! I don't like to deceive people, especially when it comes to Shidduchim and I don't like being deceived either.

Anyway, turns out that convo didn't go that smoothly, but I just hate to think how many people are just playing the game just to be in it.

scarrrrrrry!

WELCOME HOME GILAD SHALIT!

2011-10-18T21:48:00.002-04:00

Whilst I had so much time to think over yom tov (in between the davening and all those meals) and had many great ideas for posts, it's been B"H so hectic that I haven't had time to publish them....yet. So until I get there, how can I not post a huge

WELCOME HOME GILAD SHALIT!

Watching the video clips made me cry, as I'm sure was the same reaction for most. But B"H he's home and what a Simchas Torah they will have.

May we all merit that are long awaited zivugim finally come HOME to us and we can all celebrate our Simchas Toras together with our true other halfs!

2 Boxes

2011-10-10T09:32:00.002-04:00

I received this email and believe it's a great thought to start off the new year with=being greatful for all those Gifts Hashem gives to us!

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.'

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.'

We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you
are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life.
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see,
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me

Any Answer is still an Answer!

2011-10-03T21:18:00.002-04:00

I may have mentioned this before, so don't kill me if I somehow am repeating myself.

Here's the deal:

I've been 'redd' a few guys in the last couple of weeks and was asked, as well, to email my Shidduch resume, to which I quickly sent the info.

Days passed, weeks passed, and nothing happened.

At first, we called the people who 'redd' the shidduch, even though I KNOW that when you don't get an answer=the answer is NO, but sometimes people are just forgetful and not always on top of things and they need to be nudged.

So, I did my share of nudging. I HATE nudging, but we called, and we emailed and we left messages but NADA! Literally not a returned call, or anything.

Eventually, my mom ended up getting through to one of the people who never got back to us. Turns out, weeks later, the person who redd the shidduch gave some kinda indirect, sketchy response about the boy who he suggested just starting school and won't have time to date, etc.

Now, ladies & gents-do I care what the excuse is? No! In all of honesty, every excuse is just that=an excuse. Like the guy didn't know a few weeks prior that he signed up for school, or that he'd be too busy to date? If that was the case, why did he even request my info? He should've just told the shadchan, 'sorry dude, I'm starting courses and will not be available for dating for the next few weeks until the semester is over'.

So, I don't care about what excuse the person uses. The only thing I request of Shadchanim and people 'redd'ing (me) shidduchim is JUST TO GET BACK TO US SINGLES WHO ARE IN LIMBO once something is redd. Don't be embarrassed, ashamed, etc. if the other party says no and for whatever reason, but just PLEASE get back to them and let them know they can move on.

As far as I'm concerned, no one like hanging around waiting...

Maccabeats-Book of Good Life

2011-09-26T16:56:00.002-04:00

I'm Thinking of You..

2011-09-26T12:23:00.002-04:00

well folks, it's that time of the year again....the phonecalls, the good wishes, the 'back-rubbers' who come up to you in Shul to wish you a 'gut g'bentched yahr' with that slightly hidden wink and the mention of this year being 'the' year and full of Simchas, etc.

I sorta cringe at this time.

a) becuz it reminds me that another year has passed, and I'm STILL here, single and looking, just a year older than last.

b) the back rubbers-seriously, THINK the wishes, no need to rub my back whilst doing so. especially since we have NOTHING to do with each other-other than ur hand rubbing the small of my back whilst you have that pitiful look on your face

c) the wishes-I mean, what am I supposed to say? It's the same Bracha and wishes, I usually just avoid eye-contact and nod, silently thinking AMEN and please AMEN so I don't have to go through this (again) next year!

But, this year, my single friends, I thought of a plan. It all came about when a long-lost friend called me to wish me a gut g'bentched yahr and all that, and she said 'I just want to let you know that although we don't speak often; you're ALWAYS on mind mind'. This got me thinking. I'm gonna manufacture headbands for people to wear and on it, it BIG BOLD letters, it will state 'YOU'RE ON MY MIND'.

There, I said it. I have created what most of us singles will look at the best gift ever! That way all the well-wishers can walk around wearing these 'fashionable' headbands (customized color, fonts, bedazelled, etc.) and NOT have to say anything-we already KNOW we're on their mind :)

The FEW Good Men...

2011-09-21T21:30:00.003-04:00

OK, so just as I was getting annoyed with all the pre-date conditions I was receiving from the guys who I was being suggested to, I got what my good friend, Ruchie calls a 'Hug from Hashem'.

A European boy was suggested to me....like a good few months ago.....and suddenly in midst of my pre-depressed state over all these pre-conditions from the pre-madonna'd guys, this European guy gets brought into the picture.

OK, big deal right? I won't hear about it for another few months...

But......and BIG BUT inserted here->

This European guy is now my MASCOT for what all single guys on dates should be like. He should go on a worldtour speaking to men and changing their 'Shidduch mentality'.

You see, this guy gave all the perfect (perfect in MY world) answers when asked questions. I guess he's just not that in touch with the Shidduch world, or just that it's European mentality, or just that he's a GREAT catch.

His #1 question was NOT for a photo, not for a resume, not to email his shadchan/sister/mother/agent, not how I look, not my skirt size, my weight, or if my family has money, but......and wait for this.....drumroll please.....he asked if I have good MIDDOS. WOW!

All the information that was relayed to me by the shadchan about how this boy acted and reacted was just soooo refreshing! so pleasant, so naive in a way, but worldly in another. Not a stuck up, snot-nose, full-of-himself guy who can request a girl for breakfast, lunch and supperm, but a selfless, mentchlech guy who actually cares. Old-fashioned mentality.

So, here's a shout out to the FEW good guys out there! Thanks for giving me hope, for giving me chizuk and mostly for letting me know that there really ARE some AWESOME single boys :)

American Boys Shidduch Process

2011-09-21T14:04:00.002-04:00

Heads up single American guys-u ain't gonna appreciate me stereotyping u in this post.

But hey, what can I say? I'm basing this on my experience with American boys and DISCLAIMER: not all American frum single guys are like this, but the most of the ones I know or dated have been, so I'm basing this solely on my personal experiences with them.

So here's the situation: single out of town gals, such as myself, often get 'redd' to boys, most of whom are American, a handful of Canadians and for those lucky-some Europeans. I've been fortunate enough to call myself an International Dater. My experiences with all these boys from all around the globe has been wonderful, in that I got to know the different mentalities, upbringing, etc. all of which are not strictly due to their residences, but families/communities as well.

In any case, if I would have to sum up the 'shidduch procedure' for the typical American, here's how it goes.

Shadchan calls/emails/faxes asking for girl's resume.

girls sends resume

Shadchan calls, asks girl to edit resume, taking out things she believes boy would NOT appreciate and adding things that he might.

girl edits and sends.

Shadchan calls informing girl that guy requests photo

girl is hesitant and explains that she hasn't done this before, or only sent it once she checked into the boy

Shadchan speaks to boy, informs girl that THIS boy ALWAYS gets full resumes of loads of girls, along with 2 photos; one full length-one up close and without one, there is nothing to talk about.

girl finally gives in, sends in 2 photos.

girl waits 1 week

girl waits another week

by week 2.5, girl builds up courage and calls shadchan

Shadchan said she sent boy resume as well as photos and he said based on photos she's not what he's 'looking for'

boy & girl continue in Shidduch world....so does shadchan :)

Which brings me to my next post-a more positive post!

Shana Tova!

2011-09-14T21:31:00.000-04:00

Baggage

2011-09-13T23:36:00.002-04:00

I know that everyone has baggage, but I'm looking for a guy with carry-on only.

Don't Partner Together a Pair of Pants & a Skirt

2011-09-10T23:47:00.002-04:00

This week's Parsha includes the mitzvah of not to harness together an ox and a donkey. The underlying idea behind this mitzvah is a very beautiful concept. One should not harness together two animals from different species since they will not work at the same rate and will only frustrate each other. How sensitive the Torah is to animals; how much more so must we be to people! In fact, the Sefer HaChinuch extends the sensitivity of this mitzvah to human beings and says there is a mitzvah not to set-up two individuals who are incompatible, in any type of relationship.

In our generation, it is true that we are experiencing a “shidduch crisis” and it is a tremendous mitzvah to arrange shidduchim between boys and girls. However, one should never simply throw together a “pair of pants and a skirt” in a self-righteous attempt to make a shidduch. This is extremely frustrating and upsetting to the prospective mates. One must realize

that creating a match is a wonderful and exciting endeavor, but it is also an awesome responsibility.

The Steipler Gaon ZT”L (quoted in uars, ubfak) says that there are three things that one should look for in a shidduch:

1) Yiras Shamayim.

2) Middos Tovos.

3) "MatIm"

the boy and girl should be “compatible” - with the same goals, attitudes and hashkafos on life. Family backgrounds and personality types should be taken into account as well.

Everyone (including YOU) should be trying to help those who are not yet married, to find their rightful zivug. But it is important to remember: PLEASE don’t match up two totally different types - “species” - (after all, as the saying goes, “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus.”) - for by doing so, you may very well be transgressing a mitzvah in the Torah.

taken from Torah Tavlin-Parshas Ki Teitzei

Male or Female?

2011-09-09T10:05:00.001-04:00

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

TIRES :
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

FREEZER BAGS :
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

HOT AIR BALLOONS :
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES :
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES :
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS :
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people..

EGG TIMERS :

Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom .

HAMMERS :
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL :
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

Online Verification of Facts

2011-09-07T09:43:00.002-04:00

So how relevant is this to my previous post?

One of these online Shidduch sites has found me a potential match. When I click to open it, there is a new little flashy symbol that states that age verification. Naturally, I click on it. OK folks, I'm like a very curious person. So I like searching things and verifying stuff for myself, but being that this was new and I wasn't really buying it, I click onto it and it tells me that the guy who is my potential match had his age verified through various public records, etc.

So, I guess there has been alot of mishaps with regards to people's personal info. Wonder if they can verify the photos as well :)

Changing Who You Are.....on Paper

2011-09-07T00:01:00.002-04:00

So last week I got a call from a Shadchan. She asked me to send her my resume, for the umptheeth time. So I just go to my sent items (from months back) and click 'forward' (once again) and there she has it.

Then I get a follow up call...Wait?! A follow up call?! who even DOES that these days? AND, it's waaaayy too soon for a 'yes' or 'no' answer from the guy, after all, it has only be a few days since it was sent, so, here I'm thinking, WHY am I getting this 'follow up' call?

Turns out she wants me to change something on my resume.

Now, peoples, here's the way I work: I have my resume, I send it, and once it's in my sent items, and in the inbox of the receiver-they can do whatever they want with it-assuming they ain't forwarding it to their entire email list, and/or posting it in Times Square or somethin. So I give them permission to cut, copy, and paste whatever they wanna show or not show and voila, as the French say.

This Shadchan, however, informed me that she was worried the boy wouldn't agree to date me as we are the same age. When I was younger, heck ya, it mattered to me if a guy was younger than me, as like I was 21-22, so a male younger than that is what I consider 'real immature', but in my current age, it hasn't really bothered me, but I get that a guy would be 'bothered' by it. Anyway, the Shadchan was worried and asked me to remove my age from the paper.

Logically, I always ask age, so whether its on the paper or not, I would still ask, but the Shadchan said the boy can find out on his own.

So, my fellow singles, you are the senders & receivers of such resumes....what would YOU do?

Camp Simcha-Light Up the Night

2011-09-02T11:07:00.001-04:00

Why do we even BOTHER ticking off the boxes?

2011-08-26T12:02:00.002-04:00

OK, is it only me who has these issues? I sent the resumes, I re-edit the resumes when Shadchanim tell me to remove/add certain stuff. I send my photos, crop the photos, upclose, full length, zip the files, and even go on the online websites when asked to. I spend hours signing up on those sites, filling out forms, ticking off boxes, all to 'help' me and to enable the chosen matchmakers online to better understand more about me and what type of guy I'm looking for.

THEN, I receive matches that are TOTALLY NOT shayach, like at all!

If I check off that I'm looking for someone between 22-28, who is single, modern-orthodox, working and outgoing, I get a match for a guy who is like 33, divorced with 3 kids, sefardi/lubavitch, who is learning in yeshiva and is a quiet-more to himself type personality.

I must admit, it is definitely quite frustrating when spending so much time, trying to help people just 'get' me and to help them understand what type I'm looking for, but I feel that after all the MISmatches I'm being sent and being 'redd' to, why even bother? It is a waste of time and energy, it's as if these people are obligated to set up 1 girl/guy on the site per week and they just log in, click 'match' and BAM=they did their duty.

So, peoples, am I the only single who is experiencing this issue?

Finally! Disconnection allowing yourself to CONNECT

2011-08-23T00:08:00.001-04:00

Hashem

2011-08-21T19:02:00.000-04:00

“Hashem doesn’t have a Blackberry or an iPhone, but He is my favorite contact.

He doesn’t have Facebook, but He is my best friend.

He doesn’t have Twitter, but I follow Him nevertheless.

He doesn’t have internet, but I am connected to Him.

And even though He has a massive communication system, His customer service never puts me on hold!”

Tu B'Av

2011-08-20T23:33:00.002-04:00

I know it's a tad too late for this, but being that I forgot to post it 'bo bayom', I still wanted to put it out there.

So y'all know about Tu B'Av. It's like THE DAY for Shidduchim. The day that in the past, all the girls went out with their pretty (borrowed) dresses and danced in the vineyards, and the young single men would go out and look for themselves a wife. Being that they all borrowed dresses, the men were told not to look at the beauty but of the families wherein the women came from, as the true beauty of a woman is on the inside, her essence, her core, her Yiras Hashem.

It is a celebrated day as 2 bans were lifted from the Jews on this day in the past: they were allowed to remarry the sons of Binyamin and (2) that girls whose father died were allowed to marry out of their Shevet.

Basically, it is what I call a 'Segulah Day' or in more simple terms: 'A day to remind us we're all single and need to find our zivug'

This year, as in the past, we received more than a few phonecalls where people told us a few segulos, offered to say Tehillim on my behalf or had an idea in mind and they just figured because Tu B'Av was now, maybe they should 'redd' it on that day, etc. I rolled my eyes at each call thinkin, here we go again, but at the same time, reminding myself that as annoying as this may be, these people are just honestly trying to help. In truth, I am (still) single, that's my matzav at the moment and I should be doing my utmost to find my future mate, but as a Frum girl I'm sorta limited in the sense that I'm not gonna put on my leather mini skirt and hang out in the bars.

Darn, why can't we all just borrow each others clothes and have a flashmob of frum single girls dancing to the same song and let the guys watch and choose?

Summer for Singles?

2011-08-10T23:50:00.002-04:00

Since the start of summer I've heard many 'single' comments, mostly directed at me, such as:

'Isn't it easier to get a date in the summer? it's quieter then'

'you should go on vacation, maybe you'll meet a nice guy-who knows?'

'He's burnt out, he's taking the summer off'

'You shouldn't go on vacation, you should be dating-your first priority should be to get married. THEN, once that's taken care of, only THEN can you go on vacation (with your hubby)'

In any case, I can go on and on and on, as have some of the people who were quote above, but seriously peoples, my fellow singles, is this nuts?

Do you find that you get more or less dates in the summer than during the year? I don't know about most of you, but I have a typical office job, where we were ALL year round, no summers off. I'm always ready to date, even if a guy comes in and it's crazy hectic at work and at home, I make time in my schedule to date him and I expect anyone to do the same for me.

Also, what's this about burnt out? We're all burnt out and we all need vacas, but from the looks of it (after seeing many friends marry), you only get to go on vaca-at your HONEYMOON. Until then, guys & gals, it's like Shidduch Boot Camp!

And why can't we enjoy single life? This is the time to enjoy, no responsibilities (to a spouse, children, etc), care-free, relax, party on. I'm all for vaca, anytime you can take it-grab the opportunity, who knows when you'll have the chance to chill with friends again. You don't wanna regret that.

So, do you think Summer is for Singles or would you say Summer is for Shidduchim (only!)

Why not 'Revisit'?

2011-08-04T23:11:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it's August already and I feel like I NEED A VACATION!

y'know how shadchanim are always telling you (or is it just me that they tell?) how boys are 'burnt out' and are 'taking a break' from shidduchim, etc. How come girls can't ever take breaks? I tried it once and I get why it's not a good idea (look at it from a diff. point of view and you will see why) but everyone needs a breather....which is why I'm spending my evenings looking up vacation spots-as the minute tisha b'av is out, I'm outta here!

But....in the meantime, the sad reality is that currently my status is still 'single', dry-as-a-fly, minus the 'plus one' in attendance, 1/2 of a whole, pathetic soul, etc.

Which means, I gotta keep smiling at people, answering the same questions (are you picky or what?) and looking all prim and proper. and even so, I still get the calls:

"Hi SOS, my name is Mrs. ___, I'm a Shadchan from this Shidduch group. Anyway, your name was mentioned and it seems like 4 out of the 5 people in the group either heard about you, or set you up. Which is how I came to calling you. Apparently _____ was 'redd' to you before and you went out. We know because when Mrs. ___ mentioned his name for you, she immediately emailed the boy who emailed back that you dated years back but YOU said no. So perhaps, since he sounded interested and you're BOTH STILL SINGLE, you may want to REVISIT this boy? Y'know I know atleast THREE couples that are married now that dated once and called it off the first time because it wasn't for them but then years later it came back and they both went out and are happily married. YOU NEVER KNOW (heavy NY accent), it may just be Bashert and you're both sooo similar."

ya, I feel like getting the 'recycled' guys and then getting pushed into saying yes because honestly, I can't remember why I said no at the time, is just making me more upset. It looks to me like these people are saying 'hey girl, everyone out there your age is married already, so either marry someone who is divorced, widowed or recycle the ones you dated in the first place. By now, one of those should be up to your likings'

humph...while everyone is telling me to 'revisit' my old options and look through my books, the only place I'm thinkin of revisiting right now is DisneyWorld!

Anyone wanna join? (perhaps there'll be some fun frum guys there and it may just be the place I needed to revisit in order to find my bashert)

The What's 'UnderThere' Underwear Debate

2011-07-31T23:04:00.003-04:00

Lately, my friends have all caught on to my lingerie fetish. OK, so I'm a bit obsessed. OK, there's no way I will walk into a Victoria Secret without walking out empty handed. Yes, I love PJs and all that goes with it. But hey, everyone has their fetish and as long as I'm wearing whatever it is 'under there' then its all tznius and it's a win-win situation.

Whilst speaking to a newly married friend and telling her about my new buy, she said to me 'SOS-you better buy stuff now, cuz after you get married, you ain't gonna have the time to even think about buying such stuff.' I gotta admit-that sorta scared me. I mean, when it comes to something that you like, something that makes you happy, or what I like to call 'retail therapy' how can you be sooo busy, that you won't have time to shop for something as basic and necessary as underwear?

At the same time, another one of my friends had mentioned that she wears really racy stuff. I must admit, I was shocked, I mean coming from her, but if that's how far she'll go in terms of being racy, then so be it. After all, no one will ever know (except her cleaning woman who does her laundry and her hubby-to-be).

What I don't get is the people who tell you that you shouldn't be into all this stuff. Instead, you should be going to your local Wal-Mart or something of the sort and buying Fruit of the Loom tighty whities. I just don't get it people. Everyone has their own style, be it hair, accessories, clothing, makeup, or just a 'look', so what's wrong with a lingerie style? It's not as if we're advertising it? It's not as if it shows or anyone can see it? Why would it bother people? If anything shouldn't we be comfortable and feel even a bit proud/confident with our so-called 'boldness' in personal taste of lingerie fashion? Shouldn't that be a step towards the 'we're ready to get married, so we can get more awesome lingerie for our hubbies to appreciate as well', or is that not?

(although I havta admit, there should be Halachos against the really racy stuff-anyone say lacy red thongs?)

Aside from that, I also have it on good authority that those of Sefardi origins have bridal showers where their future mom-in-laws actually buy them an entire trousseau of expensive lingerie. How much more embarrassing is that? A single gal, in a room with all her friends, her mom's friends, cousins, relatives, etc. accepting something as personal as lingerie from her hubby-to-be's mom?! Now if that is not traumatizing, what is?

The way I see it is-if they can't see it, so be it. Buy it, wear it, be happy.

If a Girl Says "No"

2011-07-27T21:20:00.002-04:00

I don't know why this suddenly just hit me now, but why is it that when a guy is offered a girl and he says no, then its fine. The guy is allowed to say no, it's not for him. No one will ask why or persuade him to say yes or atleast to consider the idea.

When a girl says 'no' than she gets heck from people. After all, by the time the shidduch got redd to her, the guy actually said 'yes' which means 'how dare she say no?'

Shadchan Conversation Starters

2011-07-25T17:49:00.002-04:00

Don'tcha just luv it when a Shadchan calls you up and opens the convo with the following line:

"I have a guy for you. I really don't know him (that well) but I heard he's a great guy and I think it can really work"

Ya, us singles, looove hearing that. I'm sure to most of you, that's a normal conversation starter and personally, it irks me, because in all of honesty 'ya never know' always lurks in the back of my mind, but 'C'mon! get real!' is what I'm thinking as I roll my eyes and listen to the Shadchan's list of qualities, schools and references..

Last week I had a call from a woman. She's not a Shadchan, not a teacher, neighbor or relative. In fact, I don't even know her, which is how I was suspicious of her call in the first place. She claimed to have heard about me (and my 'singleness') and said she had a boy. She told me she didn't know him or his family well, but she would find out.

Then there was a long silence

A long awkward silence.

Then she asked if I had any questions.

I kid you not, folks, I had to hold back my laughter and told her I had no questions at all (aside from 'how did she get my number?') as all she said was she has a guy whom she doesn't know and SHE was the one calling ME.

Then she asked me one question about myself, just ONE small bit of non-important info and asked me what she had to do.

So, I, the 'single' gave this woman, the so-called 'shadchan' advice on how to go about redding a shidduch. Point #1 being, 'actually try and KNOW both sides, or atleast ONE side'.

In any case, I have yet to hear back from her. I doubt I will.

But seriously people, you're calling us singles to try and sell an idea, a potential husband-atleast TRY and start the conversation with something more exciting, enticing, believable, a great opening line!

The 'Half-Shadchans'

2011-07-21T14:55:00.004-04:00

I have come upon a new fashion lately. Nothing to do with shoes, hairstyles or clothing; A 'Shadchan Fashion' that I have named the 'Half-Shadchan'

You see, it all starts with a phonecall. It could be from someone you know, or someone you don't know. It's usually a shy person, or someone who never dabbled in shidduchim, perhaps even a teenager or a single friend. They call you up and tell you they heard about a guy. As the phonecall goes on, the caller, you find out, doesn't really actually know the guy, but only heard of him from someone else who either

a) went out with him

b) met him in (i) grocery store (ii) waiting room (iii) the bank

c) got his resume from a friend/relative who went out with him and said he's a great guy but just not her 'type'

d) just joined a shidduchgroup and heard about him.

Whatever the case, it's a sort of name-dropping situation, so in fact, the 'half-shadchan' thinks she is helping and is sooo happy she got the courage to make the phonecall and be 'involved' when infact, it is not helpful at all. Dropping a name means nothing. You gotta do all the research yourself (most of the time, without any resume to follow) and then, if you finally decide, if you finally GET info on the guy, that it sounds at all shayach, then you actually have to FIND someone YOURSELF, who will 'redd' the shidduch. This is almost unlikely as how will you find someone who knows you AND who feels confident enough to redd YOU to this guy they most likely never even heard of, let alone know.

So folks, if you actually build up the courage to make a phonecall and you really wanna help and be involved in Shidduchim, please, it's just ONE MORE extra call for you to make (get the guy's info and speak to him/his family about the girl) in order to move the Shidduch along.

Humph!!! Half-Shadchans!

HaTzaddik Leibby Kletzky A"H

2011-07-14T21:57:00.002-04:00

Whilst I know this blog is about Shidduchim, I can't help but NOT think of Leibby Kletzky A"H. The past few days, every news site, be it foxnews, yahoo, to vosizneias & yeshivaworld has been covering this story. I admit, I was hopeful that they would find him and eagerly prayed for his return or that he be found, perhaps asleep on a park bench, from all the walking, when it was clear from the video footage that he was lost.

I can't even describe my feelings when I woke up and first thing, still in pjs, opened my iphone to check the news and read the headlines. My heart dropped, my eyes bulged, I was in denial-how can this be? How can an innocent, young, beautiful child have this happen to him? How can such a thing happen? A brutal murder-a yiddishe neshama?!?! Who ever heard of such a thing? These things are unheard of in our communities. How much more surprised to hear that the murderer-the butcher, the sicko, psycho, freak of nature, is a Yid?!? Who DOES this?! Who even has a heart to do such things?! I'm still in shock, I'm still pained by the thought of his parents, family and even, nebach, poor Leibby who met the wrong adult from whom he asked for directions.

And so, this post goes for him. We've heard and seen over the past few days what a Kiddush Hashem the Jewish name has made over the media. Reporters, newspapers, media, youtube all were impressed by the thousands and thousands of volunteers, the speediness and efficiency in the way the search was handled, sooo many caring individuals who gave up of their time, their early mornings, evenings, 24/7s to help search for this precious neshamale.

I received the following link by email and thanks to TheCoolJew for putting it in writing.

May we only share in Simchos!

How to Help Yourself? Name Swap!

2011-07-13T16:20:00.002-04:00

So, it's been a while since my last post-and I apologize for that, but my pc broke, so I'm working off of laptops, netbooks, iPhones and such and I hate borrowing other's people's stuff for a bit longer than the checking of emails...

In any case being that I'm still 'stuck in the Shidduch scene' I decided there must be SOMETHING I can do to help myself, other than waiting around for phonecalls/email/faxes, which are getting less and less and when they DO come in, are getting worse and worse (in terms of the potential candidates). Then I met a friend of mine who I literally haven't seen in months. We got talking and of course after updating each other on our lives, the convo turned to, well, what else? Shidduchim, as we are both 'still' single. We started to think of guys for the other one-which was sweet, and such a natural thing to do for a friend, especially in the same situation, you WISH the person to just be OVER the Shidduch-dating already and just be settled, happily married, etc. and then we mutually decided to name swap.

I'm not saying a few names, I'm talking organized, techy name-swapping. The full fledged, sit down at the Cafe, bring your laptop, bring your Access Database, or Excel worksheet with all info and going through all potentials for an hour or so. And this, ladies & gents, is what we intend doing. If nothing comes of it, atleast we both know we tried, we did our Hishtadlush and perhaps, who knows, we may come up with a good idea for any of these potential guys that might not be shayach for either of us.

I suggest you all do the same, you 'never know'...

Just 'cuz we're BOTH single, doesn't mean we're the SAME!

2011-07-06T23:23:00.002-04:00

My bestie & I are often 'redd' to the same guys. Well, we ARE besties, so I'm sure there's some kinda similarity between us, aside from both of us being Frum, single, fun, gals looking for our future hubby. Also, we are both looking for the same type of boy. Notice I said same type and not same because, whilst we may be similar, we are obviously 2 separate individuals and there is a set zivug for every person, so whilst we may both be looking for college/working guys, not every college/working guy is the same.

There are different backgrounds, different minhagim, levels of Frumkeit, personalities, hobbies, etc.

So, although you may think that all girls talk about the guys they date-wait a sec. ok, all girls probably talk about the guys they date, but even among my closest friends, we will talk about our dates, our horror stories, etc. but not mentioning names of course. The only time a name would come up is to ask if they were redd or dated the guy and can give some info/input, or if they might know someone who knows the guy (obviously dependent on the guy's info, e.g. city, shul, family, etc.) This is how we know we've been suggested to and/or dated the same guys.

Point being, recently I was suggested a guy and nothing came of it. In fact, I didn't even go out with him as we never heard back, which in my book simply means-they ain't interested.

A few weeks after, my friend called as she knew I had relatives living on the same block as the guy she was redd, and whilst she mentioned the name for me to ask my relatives, I realized it was the same guy and gladly gave her all the good info I heard (most of which was from that same relative!)

Somehow there was a mix-up and suddenly we both got calls back from our different shadchanim that the boy was interested in us=at the same time! Strange. Well, it came time to sorta break the news to our parents as to what was going on-like was he planning on double dating or what? So our parents called the shadchanim and explained the situation. The shadchanim spoke to each other and decided that whichever one of us was really interested in him, can have him, but we should decide on our own.

How ridiculous is that? Especially not even knowing the guy yet. Suffice it to say, we both pulled out, it just wasn't fair and was the most insane conclusion to a confusing situation.

Perhaps the guy thought we were the same person?

What is it with Weddings?

2011-07-04T23:17:00.002-04:00

So, I've been bragging on this blog how I love June=wedding month. I still love June and I still love going to weddings (except the ones where the women line up outside the dancing circle to talk about each person, what they're wearing, how they look, etc.)

But what I just don't get is what is it with these weddings that make people sooo stupid?

Excuse me, but for lack of a better word at the moment, I just had to use the word stupid, because I don't know what else to coin it as.

I'll sum it up for you by telling you what happened at the last wedding I went to last week.

I was dancing in the circle and a guest of the wedding party came over to me. I haven't seen her in ages and she was talking to me and said she wanted me to meet someone. Well, normally I would've been hopeful, but knowing the guest and knowing the people at the wedding, let's just say I was MORTIFIED. She's the type of person that you never know what to expect. So, I sorta quickly excuse myself, praying that I could stake out in the women's washroom until she gets distracted or someone pulls her back into the dancing circle-but, no such luck.

Half an hour later, she finds me speaking with a friend outside the hall. She grabs my hand, pardons my friend and walks me to meet that 'someone'. Luckily, it wasn't some weird guy or somethin. Unluckily for me, it was a Shadchan. AND she was speaking with a woman and her daughter.

How much more awkward could the situation get? I actually knew the woman speaking to the Shadchan, her daughter is quite a few years younger than me-awkward. Even moreso, when the Shadchan finishes her 'meeting' with the woman, my wedding guests introduces us and it turns out, we met years back-awkward. So we make small talk (like, 'oh, I remember you, now, are you still looking? what's going on in ur life'-talk) and stand oddly looking around at other people, both of us waiting for an excuse to cut the meeting short.

But, as awkward as the whole thing was-I just don't get why people just don't have the brains to actually 'have these meetings' or 'small-talk's a little outside of the hall, where not everyone at the wedding has to look and see 'oh-there's SOS speaking with that Shadchan who made so-&-so's shidduch. Let's stand around and try and lip-read' or something to that effect. It makes it so much more impersonal and yes, even though weddings are in obvious time=in ur face time, when Shidduchim are totally out there and there are loads of singles (hopefully) on both sides of the mechitza looking to get married, and you're all dressed in your best, I still believe some dignity, privacy and respect is in order.

Am I wrong people?

Outdated Info

2011-06-28T11:48:00.001-04:00

There has come a time in every shidduch-aged-single's life when they realize that the information they were provided on a potential match is outdated.

This can happen either whilst phoning a reference who happens to mention that he hasn't been in touch with the potential in years, or when finding out the potential is a few years OLDER than mentioned age on the resume, or that he is no longer in that yeshiva/job.

It then becomes quite frustrating, tracking down the UPDATED info and finding people who currently know the individual and then contacting the shadchan to let them know the info is outdated.

Some people are smart enough to put a date on their resume. That sorta helps, especially when they don't write their birthday, you can just figure it out by the date on the resume.

In any case, each time I send out my resume, I try and do a once-over to make sure everything is up to date.

Oddly enough, I got slack from a shadchan this week, informing me that it was difficult for her to 'redd' me to some guys as the info she has on me is years old. This was surprising to me, as in fact I had met with her not even a year ago, in PERSON and she even took notes whilst I was there, in addition to my resume, and lastly-embarassingly enough, pulled out a camera, explaining that even though she didn't tell me in advance, since I was there anyway, she would need a visual to remember me by.

So, even when you do make the effort to ensure everything is up to date-I guess for some people, it'll still make no difference-they probably just add your updated info to the back of their binders, or bottom of their pile and keep referring back to the old papers....

What Works for Others.....

2011-06-27T10:18:00.002-04:00

Recently, there's been a whole slew of Simchas amongst my friends, including weddings, babies, and, of course, engagements. I mean, there were so many in such a short period of time that I was literally running out of things to wear!

In any case, with the Simchas, always comes the comments. Mostly I just ignore, brush it off, grin-&-bear-it typa thing, but eventually, it gets to you.

Here's a recent comment that really, ummm, for use of a better word, ticked me off.

So, here's what happened that lead to this comment. A friend of mine got engaged. She's an older single, and like anyone who heard was sooo happy for her (of course!). She got engaged to a guy that was previously suggested to her. Sounds familiar? I've heard this numerous times.

The comment: 'you should really go back over the suggestions that were offered to you and try and 'revisit' them. See? She wasn't interested in him the first time round, but look-they got engaged!' Then she went on saying how we can't be picky and maybe if this single woulda said yes the first time round, she would've been having kids by now, etc.

Point is: who are we to judge? Obviously the timing wasn't bashert then. Obviously HASHEM is the one Who makes Shidduchim and Who has it all worked out-not random people who are just there to comment and point fingers.

My point is: Yay! She's engaged! I'm soooo happy for her! But what necessarily worked for her (going out with a guy who was suggested before and who she said 'no' to the first time round), doesn't always work for others.

June: The Wedding Month

2011-06-21T10:37:00.002-04:00

I love June. I do, it means, beginning of summer. beginning of sun. vacation. tans. swimming pools. long late night walks. festivals. flowers. beaches. weddings :)

Yes, this past week has B"H been a wedding-filled week and I've definitely been enjoying the dancing, the music, the BAR, etc.

I also had the privilege of attending a few sheva brachos, and at one of them, this guy spoke and he said something so true that I felt it would be appropriate to share it on this blog.

The guy who spoke got up and said 'In the beginning, when someone redds a Shidduch, everything sounds AMAZING, wonderful, 'the best',' as he describes it 'Eretz Zavas Chalav u'Dvash'. But then, he says 'after all the great, you decide to look into things, and you find out everything is NOT so hotsy totsy...There are some chesronos that people fail to mention, so you have to do your hishtadlus, you have to be like the miraglim, the spies, and investigate the truths and the not-so-pleasants.'

I havta say, I was very satisfied with his speech, it was true, it was humorous and while it wasn't the 'uplifting' kind, I definitely nodded my head in agreement more than once.

Yes, all Shidduchim sound great, but it is our job (I used to think it was the Shadchan's job-but I guess times have changed) to do our investigation and find out if everything is indeed 'zavas chalav udvash' or not.

Hoping all of you find your TRUE chalav dvash!

The 'little things' People Leave Out...

2011-06-15T19:50:00.003-04:00

You know how people say 'it's the small things in life'?

Well, I go by that motto. Small things make me happy. A perfectly sunny day with a light cool breeze, an ice mocchaccino, a night out with my friends, holding a cute baby, etc.

But, it's all the small things, as in 'details' that people like to nitpick. i.e. I'm always at a wedding when I overhear 2 women at the bar discussing the quality of the tablecloths, the way food is prepared at a shmorgasboard, where someone got their shoes from, what shade of color the cloth napkins are, etc.

AND, it is also the little things, as in bits of information that people tend with withhold, when they get called to give info on girls/guys. Which is how I came to this post. The other day I was 'redd' a shidduch by a lady who I never met, but she claims to know me and has seen me at a few weddings. In any case, she sends me the guy's info which is so basic, I would call it NATIVE. So, of course, I try to find someone who I know that knows the guy, which isn't always possible, but this time we managed. I call the woman and she starts telling me about the family, and little bits of info which was deliberately omitted by this shadchan lady.

There is a health problem in the family, there is a parnassa issue, no one really knows if the boy learns or works and if he does work what he does, etc.

When I first spoke to the shadchan, I asked her some of my questions and she was very wishwashy and contradicted herself numerous times. I thought it was annoying-yet-sadly-funny, but I figured it would all be downpat in his 'resume'. It wasn't. Now I feel even more reluctant to even touch it. Some of the issues that were mentioned are pretty big issues for me and the fact that she left it out or 'forgot' to inform me (benefit of the doubt) really bothers me.

So, when everyone tells me to cut down my resume and not put so much info, I always say 'rather too much than too little', atleast it gives people a bit of a picture of who I am and where I am coming from.

Is there a reason why people leave out the 'little things', or do they just happen to forget?

Response to 'Secret Dater'

2011-06-12T00:39:00.003-04:00

Blob of Something Different posted recently about a story of a girl who went on her first date and her family decided to keep it secret, even from her own siblings, when it all went wrong and the sibs walked in on her date in her own home.

I have my own take on this situation-well, not specifically this actual situation she describes, but something similar.

My cousin whose family lives upstairs from mine, was going out. She's in her early twenties and while I assumed she had already begun dating, I have never really asked her directly. She is not a 'sharing' type and I was in no rush to 'really know' if she was dating or not. It was a nice spring day, clear blue sky and the perfect weather. I was fortunate enough to end work exactly at 5pm on the dot and catch the bus home. As I walked up the stairs, I noticed this nice new car slowly driving up infront of my house, with a guy staring. I turned around and just thought he was a weirdo and searched my purse for my keys. Whilst digging in my large fashionable bag (what's the point when you can NEVER find your keys?!) my neighbor and her 7 kids were walking into their home, some kids crying, others playing outdoors, some school kids on bikes, etc. The street was really busy. I FINALLY get my keys and notice the guy park right outside my house and getting out his car all dressed up. I quickly run in and first thought is there is a collector coming, but he looks quite young and put together, as opposed to the usual nebech case people who come by.

Next thing I know, he rings my bell and when I go to the door, he asks if this is the ____'s residence (last name of my cousin). As I am about to tell him it's upstairs, my cousin, all flustered and red-faced, comes running out and quickly mumbles to him. They leave together and it takes them literally 5-10 minutes while they get into the car, get the car started, and actually drive off. During those long few minutes, all the neighbors, families, kids, are standing by the car looking inside.

Yes, for me, it was a shock, but when it finally sunk in, I wanted to walk up to the window of the car and tell her-if you wanna keep it a secret, atleast MEET him somewhere else (abandoned parking lot?) or wait until it gets dark! not broad daylight, on a busy Jewish street, when kids are home from school, etc.

Lesson learned from dating-you can NEVER keep anything a secret. Someone is always bound to know you, the guy, or both, or happen to see you on a date, or hear somethin from someone somewhere. But I'm old enough to care less and know that this is the way of life. You gotta be a bit cautious and live with it if someone finds out.

Lakewood Pirkei Avos

2011-06-06T23:24:00.000-04:00

Uhh...Hi, I'M the One in Shidduchim Here

2011-06-05T22:11:00.002-04:00

So, this is NOT the first time this happened to me, but it infuriated me enough to post it on this blog.

The other day I came home and found a message on my machine from an 'unknown' woman who claimed to be a friend of a relative of a friend of ours. She left her name and number and said she had a shidduch idea.

Now, most of you know, I'm in my mid-twenties and I like to take care of shidduchim myself. I make the phonecalls, do the research and when need-be I know my parents are always here to help and I can ask them to make calls/do research for me, but I'm big enough to deal with this myself, after all, it is ME who is going to date the guy!

So, I do the proper thing: I call back the woman. I introduce myself and tell her that I received the message on our machine and thank her for having me in mind. She, on the other hand was quite abrupt and cold, informing me that she doesn't need to speak with me, nor will she leave any message, but she would like to speak directly with my mom. I explained to her that my mom was out of town for a Simcha and wouldn't be back for the next week, so it might be easier and quicker to relay a message or just speak to me directly. However, I was treated like a 5 year old when she said 'it can wait until she comes back-I would like to speak directly to your mother myself'

Was I hurt? yes

Was I insulted? DEFINITELY

Was I annoyed? Heck! I AM STILL annoyed.

I wanted to yell into the phone and tell the woman that even by speaking to my mom-it would come to me directly-my mom would either tell me the situation or ask if I would go out with 'such-and-such' and I make the final call, as I will date the guy and then I will decide if I further want to date him and such.

Sheesh peoples! Why can't you just go and speak directly TO the source?! Less mis-communications, less problems, less people to go through!

What do Marrieds Do?

2011-06-02T13:25:00.002-04:00

Recently I was speaking to a friend of mine who got married this past year.

As most of married friend's go, the phonecalls dwindle down from 2 calls a day when they're single, to a few times a week or once a week when they're engaged, to once a month after they're married for first 3 months to once everytime they actually remember.

So this married friend called me and we chatted like good old times=forever, and she threw into the conversation how she is so busy these days. I joked with her about it, y'know taking care of someone else besides herself, new schedule to include cooking/cleaning, etc.

But seriously now-what do marrieds do that makes them sooo busy? too busy to even call a good friend once in a while!?

They SAY They 'Know'

2011-05-25T23:45:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine called to 'redd' me a shidduch. Yay! This week has been quite busy with phone calls about shidduch ideas being 'redd' to me, so let's hope they actually get past the guy and he actually makes some calls before deciding that I'm too far away and he's not interested in an 'out-of-town' girl.

In any case, so my friend is getting my info (sad, what shidduchim has come to=even my friends need an emailed resume, PDF, Black & White, with minimum 4 references & preferably a photo, if not two) and when I'm done with my speech, and she's done taking my info, she asks me if I wanna know about the guy.

Honestly, my curiosity got the better of me, but I was chilled and told her, only if she wanted. So she tells me she doesn't really remember his name, but he's from Flatbush, he's like whatever age and he's a lawyer. That's all. Then she waits for my approval, but honestly, she still didn't tell me ABOUT THE ACTUAL GUY. So I told her I haven't heard the name before (she did recall his name later on, but wasn't sure about the first name) so it wasn't redd and I really didn't need more info unless the guy says yes.

Then she tells me, ..and here I quote 'he's an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, MOST PHENOMENAL guy....I mean, I haven't actually met him or his family, but I know his relatives and they're the nicest, sweeetest people, etc.'

Hello?!?! Hopefully no one sums my up based on my relatives as (a) I'm NOTHIN like them at ALL, (b) I should hope the person actually met me and (c) can confirm that based on what they know about me-that I'm a potential shidduch idea for someone else, based on the other person who they know, or heard about, etc.

So what people actually KNOW, or say they KNOW are 2 diff. things. Don't paint a whole beautiful picture, with all the descriptive adjectives=unless it's firsthand. Otherwise, all guys are nice, sweet, goodlooking, great middos, etc. I'm not buying what people just say-they havta KNOW

When 'non-tznius' happens on a Date

2011-05-20T11:38:00.007-04:00

This is second hand info:

My friend's sister is seriously dating someone. She must be about 22, and I wouldn't say she is yeshivish, but she is more frum than her family. She wears her skirts like exactly at the 4-inch mark, probably doesn't watch tv/movies, goes to shiurim and is the type to daven mincha everyday, just to give you all a picture. Her family is more open-minded and are slowly moving to the right by taking small things upon themselves and slowly changing the style of clothing and adding from frum-terminology to their lingo.

Anyhoo, so she's dating this really yeshivish guy-family of rosh yeshiva-type. They're on a date and they go for dessert. Apparently, the 'minhag' at the dessert place is that they ask you you're birthday and hand you a small paper with your horoscope-a one liner phrase.

So they both get handed their mini-papers with their one-liners and as a cute thing, they take each others and read it out loud. The guy reads the girls, it's something typically stupid. The girl refuses to read his outloud. She starts blushing and is clearly embarassed. The guy asks her to read it again and is so curiuos to know why she won't read it. She finally acquiesces and tells me, she cannot read it but will let him see it to read to himself.

It says something clearly not-tznius. Not like serious pritzus, but let's just say it includes an act that only married couples do.

So, yes, this young couple are basically ready to get married. They are dating seriously and may even get engaged to each other, meaning, hopefully by now they've matured in life, realize that they get along well, and may end up living with each other, so one little 3-letter-word, no matter how untznius, shouldn't really get in the way that much.

Apparently, they just got engaged, so it didn't make that much of a difference, but c'mon folks-I believe that in this stage in life, we're all (hopefully!) over 18 and anything rated R is either something we heard on the street/bus/subway or seen on billboards/tv/internet/movies. No one can be that naive in this day and age, and aside from that, what do they think marriage is about? do they think storks still deliver the babies? My opinion on the matter-grow up, don't make a bigger deal about it. OK, lemme also consider how, when I was at that age, a good Bais Yaakov girl, I would too -be embarrassed to read the word outloud and this girl is MUCH frummer, so I really can't judge, but I guess, being at my age, when I've dated so many (may I add 'not shy-at-all!') guys, I think I've heard and seen it all. Perhaps, I would blush and then briefly change the subject, but sheesh! it's just a one-liner typed up but some random dude who gets paid to copy and paste horoscopes onto paper!

Can you beat THIS proposal?

2011-05-19T14:11:00.002-04:00

When a Good Friend 'Knows'

2011-05-18T22:09:00.002-04:00

So, here's the matz: (for those of you not familiar with SoS's lingo matz=matzav, aka situation)

This woman meets me at the grocery-ya, the Kosher grocery, the only one in our area, which basically is not the greatest place to go if you wanna avoid people.

Anyhow, so this woman who used to live down my block and whom I haven't seen since she moved like 6 years and 3 kids later meets me. She suddenly has this epiphany and gets all excited about her husband's brother-in-law who is coming to town and who's friend happens to be single and frum. But really, ok, he's a working guy, so now that means he's 100% for me. It gets better: the single friend is coming to town with the hubby's bro-in-law.

Then comes the punch->he's coming in to date someone else. But this woman with her epiphanies-she decides to ask me if I would be willing to date him, as a backup...in case his other date doesn't work out and it's not shayach.

And she goes for the kill->he's coming tomorrow.

So, I slow her down and tell her: Mrs. A, thanks sooo much for having me in mind, I appreciate it, really I do. (that's my sweet starting line to let people know I care), and then I go on 'in general, I don't just go out with guys like that. I get info and then I make a few calls and if I decide it's shayach then I go out. I understand he is coming to town, but that's no reason to put us together just in case a date doesn't work out. Even though he 'trusts' you and would probably date me, I don't feel comfortable wasting anyone's time.'

Anyway-she hesitates (obviously she's not happy with my response) and apologizes for making me second choice. So I explain to her it has NOTHING at all to do with being second.

Then she wrecks the entire situation (it can't get more worse than this) and tells me who he is going out with.

Here's my issues:

1) It's NONE. I repeat, absolutely NONE of my, nor anyone elses business.

2) It's not HER business to tell anyone, even if she knows this because he is staying at her house

3) It just so happens to be that this girl who he is dating is my REALLY good friend.

4) My other REALLY good friend was suggested to him and he told the shadchan he wasn't traveling at that point in time, but whenever he does travel, she should wait for him. Um, I didn't tell her about this but I'm 100% sure he didn't get back to her, hence she is still waiting...

So, ya, I didn't know that my good friend was going to date him. It's her decision to tell me. It's her business and I respect that. Even though we share stuff, names, etc. obviously she had her reasons and I'm totally not insulted nor am I taking this personally, nor did I somehow bring it into our recent convos, especially when she cancelled our plans because she was 'busy with things'.

On the other hand, I feel like I'm kinda in a 'love triangle' as my other friend was suggested to him first. Not only did they both agree to go out-he told her to wait for him to travel and now that he's traveling, no one even had the decency to tell her. Imagine if she would've somehow ended up as the same place as both of them-OUCH!

So, point is-I humbly consider myself to be a good friend, well, more than a good friend, to both of these girls and a good friend 'knows' but doesn't tell. That's how friends remain. Making sure that the other doesn't get hurt and looking after their backs.

Stereotypes-Step Aside

2011-05-15T00:58:00.002-04:00

Confession: I stereotype. I do. I believe in stereotypes and I just can't change that. People DO change, not everyone IS the same, but it's hard to convince me of that. Perhaps it's due to my dating experiences, or me being burnt-out by the shidduch-system, but I can't help that.

But, lucky for all you folks, I had a change of mind this past week.

It all started when I got invited to this 'official function' which was taking place. It was kind of a fancy affair, but not a black-tie event. It was held in a large official hall and I knew it would be a mixed crowd and I would probably be one of the only Jewish single girls there, so I kept a small handbag in one hand and my iPhone in the other (sure beats having nothing to hold and then explaining to almost every guy that I don't shake hands due to religious reasons!).

In any case, I tried to dress my best, look professional, appropriate, and tznius. I wore a nice outfit and smart shoes and held my head high, shoulders back, with a small dose of confidence to finish the look.

As I walked in, I couldn't help but notice the other women in the room. The skinny woman with her long black hair, her tight, and short, red suit and her 6 inch heels (no exaggeration), the tanned woman with her hair in long bottle curls, with just a shirt and long tanned legs with 4 inch strappy stilettos. So, perhaps I was lucky in the sense that all the men were busy taking in the beautiful women and no one would need to come over and make conversation or shake hands.

I walked over to the bar to get a drink and this guy, who happened to walk into the hall at the same time as me, AND who held the door for me as he let me walk in first, just happens to be at the bar as well. I smile and say hi and get ready to walk away with my drink when he notices the tanned woman-or shall I say her legs/shoes. I watch his eyes take her in and he turns to me and asks why I'm not wearing those 'type of shoes'. I wasn't sure what he was getting at, so I just turned around and said 'trust me, those heels have an expiration date-give her 2 hours and she'll be in her ballet flats'. The guy then shook his head, laughing and told me he just doesn't get it, what was she trying to do, what look was she going for? He actually didn't agree with her look and thought her to be ridiculous!

I was A-M-A-Z-E-D!!!

Here I thought, wow, these women have the place covered. They dress to impress, look to kill, have the body and legs any guy would salivate over and this guy wasn't impressed!?!?!? how could he, as a guy, NOT want that?!

Throughout the evening we kept talking, and it seemed he was just a decent, gentleman. Not married, early 20s, but not into the whole 'throw yourself in a guy's face type'. He was extremely polite and respectful of me (being Frum and all), and it was just a breathe of fresh air to know there are some decent guys out there. I just couldn't believe it coming from him, especially a young, single, energetic, non-J guy.

Thanks, Mr. Goy, for teaching me to put my stereotyping aside and still have faith!

"No Pressure"

2011-05-04T23:40:00.002-04:00

Most of us singles in the Shidduch World have heard the expression "no pressure" many times!

It's always used before you go out, as in 'well, if you don't like the information you received from references---no pressure----no one is forcing you to go out with him"

or-whilst you're dating: "no one can decide except for you. But don't worry---no pressure---take your time to make your decision"

However, as much as everyone keeps saying 'no pressure' there is ALWAYS pressure. Especially in the Jewish ways of dating. Time=pressure. Most people, either Shadchanim or the guy/girl or their respective families don't like to let things schlep. Most girls are thinkers-they gotta make sure it makes sense in their heads as well as their hearts and its takes TIME for them to get comfortable, to make a decision, etc.

And, aside from all the 'unsaid' pressures, there is pressure to be thin, good looking, outgoing, the most wanted bachelor/ette, noticed by others, etc.

AND, if it makes it any worse, once you get engaged, there's still pressure-but at different levels. Pressure to maintain the (skinny figure) weight you've probably lost from the nerves of dating/getting engaged, to make sure you have the 'right' gown, 'AMAZING' sheitel, clothes, house, etc. Then you get married. Pressure on an entirely new level. Now you're in a new category: "newlywed". So it's pressure to be the 'cutest couple'. To get pregnant, start a family, have kids, host dinner parties, have an awesome house, show off your spouse, etc. etc.

But, if I thought we, as single-in-shidduchim have it bad. If I thought, the entire frum world is staring and 'noticing us' in a pitiful way and the unsaid pressure they are thinking-then Poor Princess Catherine-and the pressure that the entire world is putting on her to, well, as the Brits so eloquently put it 'produce an heir'.....withing 9 months.....or else!

read here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110501/wl_uk_afp/britainroyalsmarriagekate

Royal Wedding + Klezmer=Instant Viral Video!

2011-05-02T20:09:00.000-04:00

What Women Want......To Know

2011-05-01T23:39:00.002-04:00

Taking a poll here from all men (or married wives of these men) to find out what men would say they appreciate most of women.

Being a single, I would like to know, and I know there is no ONE general response, but I would really like to know what specific attribute or physicality men appreciate most of women.

Let's put it this way: if all us single girls were to spend money on 'one specific thing' that our husband would totally appreciate-what would that 'one specific thing be'? e.g. makeup to make our faces more appealing, a good hairdresser, personal trainer to make sure we are fit, fashionable clothing/shoes, waxing, working on our middos, doing more chessed, etc.

The list if endless. Please feel free to be blunt and honest.

The Royal Wedding

2011-04-28T21:58:00.002-04:00

OK, call me obsessed-everyone else already is! But I am OBSESSED with this whole Royal wedding business. Every online article, newspaper article, magazine talks about it, the radio, news, etc. is 100% royal wedding and being that I'm a single, searching for my fairytale, it just makes me excited.

That, and that fact that I'll be watching history, be PART of history, can tell people, I woke up early morning to watch the Royals get married!!!

There's the wedding gowns, then the outfits, the famous people, celebrities, etc. I'm just seriously psyched about it.

Atleast someone finally gets to tie the knot with their 'prince' charming. Oh, and did I mention the afterparty with the disco balls and featuring my favorite music (as well as Kates)-ABBA :)

So, if you wanna watch it live, go to the Royal Wedding Channel, by clicking here: http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRoyalChannel

http://www.officialroyalwedding2011.org/

for photos, click here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/britishmonarchy/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/TheBritishMonarchy?sk=wall

cnn: http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2011/royal.wedding/

unveiled: http://unveiled.blogs.cnn.com/

Mazel Tov!

Six13 P A S S O V E R to get u in the mood

2011-04-17T00:59:00.000-04:00

Limited Editions

2011-04-12T23:28:00.003-04:00

Whilst chewing on some licorice (yay! there actually still IS chametz nosh around here) I had the following epiphany. I figured out how to phrase my reasoning in my search for my future hubby.

You see, most Shadchanim aka pushypeople, aka yenta yachnes aka INURFACE people-who-don't get-the-hint-when-you-say-no will try and continue to convince some of us singles that what we are looking for doesn't exist-hence the reason for us (still) being single.

Each time I get told, it just gets me more angry. Duh! I'm single because I haven't found my Bashert yet, who are YOU to give me a specific reason? Seriously?! who ARE these people who keep telling us what we are looking for DOESN'T exist. It seems there are lotsa girls I know, who all married the 'type' I'm looking for, so obviously they DO exist.

So here's the problem aka 'what I'm looking for' (which they say doesn't exist): I'm looking for a nice guy, a mentch, with a great smile, lotsa personality, frum, black hat, goes to a shiur each day/night and works or is in school-whatever as long as it is something he's doing that he enjoys (hopefully), y'know the old fashioned 'Torah im Derech Eretz'. Not too extremist in any sorta category and is open-minded and doesn't freak out when I say FM radio/internet/tv, etc.

Here's my newly founded response when they say it doesn't exist-which by the way, now that I think about it-i can send them databases of guys like that=I dated loads of them...anyway...

'You see, everyone is out there, searching for a mate. Most, (as is claimed) are looking for learning boys. Either 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years-whatever so long as they are learning. It is pretty common out there and there are so many yeshivos/kollelim, so there are lots of guys to go around. I, on the other hand, am not looking for the 'usual' (so is claimed) guy, I'm looking for the old-fashioned type, or as I like to say a 'collectors item' sort aka a limited edition. We all know limited editions are more special and therefore harder to find. They're definitely out there, just few and far between and there is a high price to pay for limited editions, as usually they are kept in great condition (anyone say 6pack? jk)'.

So, ya, Mrs. Shadchan-I'm looking for a limited edition, keep your common(ers) for the other girls out there!

BEWARE: Texting Typos!

2011-04-10T00:28:00.002-04:00

I had a 'situation' and so I am here to warn you all about it, in hopes that none of you ever unintentionally embarass yourselves as I did.

Here's what happened: I was texting this guy that I was dating-about our upcoming date. Just basics of where and when it would be good timing. He texted me back-but being that he's a sarcastic guy AND that Pesach is like in a bit over a week-I wasn't sure if he was serious or kidding about the timing, so I texted back a mere few words: 'seriously? were u kiddin me?'

However, I didn't bother rereading my text before I sent it-why should I? He was the only one texting me at that point during those few minutes, so I knew it was going to him and what could be harmful about 3 words.

Except: to my horror, I saw that my finger hit the 's' which is so conveniently placed next to the letter 'd' on my beautiful iPhone touchpad. So I asked him if he was kissing me. Ya, it's really no big deal as we ALL KNEW that's not what I meant. Except, he's a guy, and he's goin out with me, so I assume he's interested-also he's the type to make a deal about it. So ya, I only came to the realization of my typo when he asked me what I was really thinking and what was really on my mind (insert silent scream here).

OKEE ladies & gents-I had to do some major damage control here, but be warned peoples-even amazing iPhones can only spell check and not grammatically read your mind to change the words around-after all 'kiss' is a proper word, spelled correctly.

And for you saps-NO, I was NOT thinking about that at all....atleast not yet (sigh)

Just to SHOW they KNOW

2011-04-07T14:29:00.002-04:00

My friend Shaindy was on a date a this week and the guy mentioned that he saw someone earlier on that day who knew her family. She was a bit taken back as she couldn't figure out who would know her and her family well enough and also know the boy, AND that they were dating (other than the shadchan). The guy went on to mention that he was having lunch with his co-worker and in walked this woman. She was staring for a while and then went over to him and his buddy and asked 'hey-aren't you so and so?'

He had met her maybe just once before in his life, so he looked up, tried to place her, and then just mumbled 'yes' and the woman smiled and walked away. He was totally confused with the whole mini conversation and just continued on with his friend, who nevertheless thought it to be weird.

A few hours later, as Shaindy made her way home to get ready for her date, this woman 'happened' to meet her and made sure to tell her that she saw this boy and she recognized him, yadayada. Not only that, this same woman then called up Shaindy's mom to tell her the same thing.

The purpose of this whole charade?! There was none folks. Just, to SHOW that she KNEW something was going on between them.

How did she know? Even Shaindy herself is still confused. But atleast they had something interesting to talk about on their date.

Yentas & Yachnas-Seriously tho. If you know=yay for you. We're so excited. Go Tweet about it on your blackberries and stuff. But no one CARES if you know. Just keep it to yourself. Then again, by doing so-you wouldn't be considered a yenta OR a Yachna, so neva mind.

Google Exodus-from Aish.com

2011-04-05T15:08:00.000-04:00

When they're NOT Welcome!

2011-04-03T22:59:00.002-04:00

So I have this family friend, like we're REALLY close, and we get along great and everything. Probably considered more like family than friends.

In any case, recently, I've been having personal issues with this family friend, as they just 'show up' at our door whenever they feel like it. I mean, no calling before, or letting us know they're coming by for whatever reason, but just randomly popping in at any given time.

Yes, this was totally 100% fine BEFORE we began dating, but now that boy's show up at my door to come pick me up, and sometimes, because we live 'out of town' it might not always be an evening date, and can be random timing throughout the date-this causes a bit of a problem!

OK, I'm definitely not embarrassed to be seen-I'm of age, where I've been dating for a while, it's no secret, and I've been seen and have seen others while on dates so many times that I'm over it. But 'bumping' into close family friends while they're at my door and I'm leaving with a guy is DEFINITELY in my 'more awkward' category of situations.

The thing is, because we're so close and we grew up together, etc. I can't just tell them 'well, because I'm in Shidduchim, please can you try and call or let us know before you come by for whatever reason so as not to walk into you with my 'beau' for the evening' as they would seriously get insulted.

AND, to add: I don't share my personal dating experiences with this particular family friend at all. It's more like, she calls and each time she speaks with me she pries into my personal life and gets too involved.

So, how do you say, ladies & gents-I go about telling this family that they are NOT welcome whenever they wish to show up anymore?!

The Japan Song

2011-03-30T10:46:00.001-04:00

Crossed Wires

2011-03-27T20:07:00.002-04:00

So the other night, my friend was on a date, sitting in the car talking with this guy. Her phone kept vibrating (atleast she remembered to put it on vibrate this time!) and she spoke a bit louder, hoping he wouldn't hear the constant 'buzz' of the vibrating phone in her bag. Eventually, she reached into her bag and pressed the 'end' button.

BUT-what she didn't realized, was that her phone was upside down in her bag, so she had really pressed the 'answer' button.

Yes folks-how much worse could this get?

So the girl trying to reach my friend, said 'hello' but instead of hearing a response, she heard a guy's voice and figured something was obviously going on here and she would continue listening. Of course the caller 'tried' saying hello a few more times, but sat on the phone listening to my friend and her date talking in the car. Eventually, after a couple of minutes, the caller hung up.

It's lucky that the caller is a mutual friend of ours and hung up soon enough, but I can't help and think what I would do in such a situation. Am I a stalker? of course not. Am I curious? isn't everyone curious at some point? Would I be a bit worried, hearing a guy speaking in the background of my friend's answered cell? definitely.

What would you do if you're wires crossed? stay on the line or hang up?

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2011-03-21T15:41:00.002-04:00

Recently there has been a swarm of viral videos starring a 'single girl'. For all those of you who know what I'm talkin about-she is GOOD, and I mean REAL good, like fall on the floor, crying your eyes out funny.

I must've watched the few videos numerous times in awe of this girl.

First off-she's single, frum, shidduch-aged.

Secondly-she posted on YouTube=public forum.

Thirdly-she has guts

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY-she doesn't care (or atleast I don't think she does-especially if she posted on youtube!) what other people think, nor is she worried about her shidduchim because of it.

As our Bais Yaakov teacher's would say (and I quote ) "Yiladdos-what can we learn from this?"

Girls just wanna have fun. And why can't we? Just because we haven't yet found our zivug? Just because we our in shidduchim?

People are always worried, i.e. oh! you wanna go biking-I dunno, what would people say about me and tznius? or I'm sorry, I can't come with you-my mom doesn't want me going there-especially being in Shidduchim as she is worried what people will think if I go there', etc.

This girl, tho, she is living her life, having fun-doing a great job at it and look at the reaction of people who viewed this. Are they telling her to take it down? Are they telling her it's not tznius? No, instead, the video(s) has gone viral, been forwarded, more videos have been uploaded and approximately 300 people have subscribed to her! AND she was offered a great job.

Folks-lesson learned today is we can have just as fun as she is. AND, any publicity is good publicity. Some may think it's not proper, some may get a kick out of it, but as long as there are over 100,000 views=that's publicity!

Kudos YouTube actress, you are my true hero!

Am I becoming VERY Visual?

2011-03-17T23:15:00.002-04:00

So I'm a member of the various Jewish singles sites. In the past few years since I've signed up, I don't think I've received a 'match' that I've actually went out with. Most weren't at all shayach.

BUT, I've notice a change in the way I view guys.

Since Facebook took the world by storm, since all these dating sites with the 'post pix' options, I've become a very visual person. No, I'm not totally superficial-I've even checked into guys just by reading their description, even without a pic. However, lately with all the matches I'm sent, and all the boys I'm 'redd' to, a photo definitely makes a huge difference.

I mean, in the 'olden' days-or as I like to refer to them as the 'early' days of my dating, every guy I was offered sounded 'a-m-a-z-i-n-g' and then after traveling umpteen hours, it was quite a disappointment. Some were based on looks alone, others were based on personality, frumkeit, etc.

But since I've seen some photos of really cute, nice looking, put together guys through either Facebook, or emailed resumes, or even the dating websites, it really made me expect 'more' in regards to the looks of a future mate. Now that I've seen what I would consider some of the best looking, eligible, frum, 'normal' bachelors, if I'm redd something that doesn't even compete in that level, I just keep backtracking to those pix and thinking-but there are SOME decent looking fellows....

Does that make me wrong? or just a normal frum single?

When Guys DON'T Bring to the Table!

2011-03-15T15:10:00.003-04:00

As an 'out-of-town' gal, I am proud in my upbringing and my good manners. When a guy shows up at the door (and don't kill me here) and you can tell immediately, he's not the one for you, I still shut my mouth, smile, act polite and sweat out the 3-4 hour date. I guess that's why I'm always wondering why the guy would want a second date and feel something-cuz I was polite, just not interested-yet still 'pretended to be'.

However, there are some guys out there who just 'don't bring it to the table'. I'm not talking about the drinks here, I'm talking about manners-common courtesy-how to treat a girl. Call it old-fashioned, call it my grandmother's belief-but here I havta agree, men have to act like gentlemen-especially if they are planning on taking out decent girls.

I once had a guy who couldn't find parking, so he called my on my cell to come out and meet him. OK, given the circumstance-it was rush hour, there happened to have been a gas leak on the block and it was full of fire engines, ambulances and emergency vehicles-that is understandable, so I walked out and met him (the only guy not in a uniform!). My other friend had a date a few weeks back where the guy texted her to meet him outside. She couldn't understand why, especially when she saw him sitting in his car, parked in a perfect spot. It was weird-but even weirder was him dropping her off a mere hour or so later! Was she rude, impolite or mean!? No, Huvi was extremely sweet, talkative, continued on and pretended everything was normal, even though she realized this was 'not normal behavior' of a guy taking a girl out. After pulling up infront of her house-he drove off, without even waiting until she got inside.

Heck! I wait outside after dropping my friends off at their homes even if its broad daylight or around the corner. What difference does 2 minutes make? I never used to think it did make a difference, but after going through it myself-it makes a MAJOR difference-it means the guy actually cares to make sure you get home safely. After all, once you leave your home with him-you're safety is in his hands (not literally of course-I'm Shomer!)

So guys-step it up a notch-act polite, be nice, even if you're not interested-we all gotta suck it up for a few hours-why shouldn't you!

Matchmaker Mommies

2011-03-15T15:00:00.003-04:00

Before I go on-this is NOT a Purim Prank!

This is a true story about singles trusting their very own mothers to set them up.

Don't get me wrong-I absolutely LUV my mom and wouldn't ask for better, but when it comes to setting up your own kids-I mean, I can't help but think of every guy's mom I know and that just makes me think of the 'well no one is good enough for MY son!' type.

Last week was the first time in years that my mom and I actually agreed on the looks of a guy-ya he was cute, he had sparkling eyes, nice hair and a gorgeous smile-I mean, he was HOT and we both agreed on that, only one small problem, now that we finally agreed on a guy-he happened to be NOT Jewish! Oh well!

But just think-if your mom got to check out the guy first-obviously he would HAVTA be a great catch-whose mother would let them go out with someone they think isn't 'good enough' for their own kid? So, this site definitely has a perk to it. I guess it all depends if you trust your own mother to choose your future mate.

Yeshiva Directory

2011-03-08T22:35:00.002-05:00

We've all done our research, asked friends, cousins, brothers, uncles, relatives, Rabbis, trying to find out about different Yeshivos around the world.

Yes-all are YESHIVAS, but there are different strokes for different folks. There is an obvious difference between Ohr Somayach and Yeshivas Brisk. The question is, for someone who is not knowledgeable in the 'ways of men being educated in the Frum system' and all the new Yeshivas popping up each year in Israel, the States and abroad-how can we find out what 'type' they are and what the reputation of that Yeshiva is?

I suggest....(drum roll please) The Yeshiva Directory.

Every so often, I come across some nomadic html website with just txt links of names of yeshivas and rabbis there, but I mean, plain, simple, Yeshiva Name: City: 1-3 words describing what type

Wouldn't it make life so much simpler?

In the Spirit of Purim

2011-03-08T17:01:00.002-05:00

Thanks much?

2011-03-03T13:16:00.002-05:00

As kids, we are brought up to be polite, say please, thank you, etc. I still remember getting presents that I didn't even want or ask for, yet I rolled my eyes and dragged out the 'THANK YOU' because that is what we were taught to do.

In the past week, I've been fortunate enough to be in a position to 'help out with shidduchim' and be a sorta 'makeshift Shadchan' for some singles. Whilst I sat with papers, profiles, computer databases and sorted through the 'creme de la creme' as the French say and did all the follow up work, I did not ONCE, get a decent 'thanks'.

Do I necessarily need the thank you? nopes.

Is it common courtesy? yes

Does it make you feel appreciated and want to help out more? double yes

which is why I totally get why my parents brought us up to thank people.

a. It tells them we care and feel we appreciate what they have done for us (even, if in shidduchim all it means is a thought, or a phonecall)

b. It makes them feel that they did something for someone else and the thank you makes them feel good enough to want to do it more.

So, not only did the people I helped out NOT even say thanks-they criticized my choices and were very rude-which is even worse than a non-thank you in the first place.

Will that stop me from helping others? no sir-ree, I will not let some rude, ungrateful people stop me, in fact I want to prove (to myself?) that there are lotsa other nice people out there and continue on my same mission.

But just remember-a small little thank you, goes a long LONG way!

Titles-Seriously?!?!

2011-03-01T17:26:00.003-05:00

I know I'm obessed with the hit TV series, "Grey's Anatomy" every since it came out. I mean die-hard fan. I got the DVD, the ringtone, watched every episode, cried with them, laughed with them and even dreamed of my own McDreamy one day soon. That's where my title comes in.

For those of you reading this, who aren't in the know, lemme speak my mind and you will understand where my 'seriously?!?!' comes to play.

Everyone has a title, especially when it comes to Shidduchim. A girl has to have a job title, her parents need job titles, it can't be anything plain and simple Heaven forbid, it has to be something fancy, something that sounds very sophisticated and certainly more educated then to write 'secretary'. I think I've seen them all, from friend's shidduch resumes, to people I've redd shidduchim for, etc. They get very creative or have a REALLY good thesaurus.

But today takes the cake! A close friend of mine, Suri, just got a call from a Shadchan who she has been dealing with for a while now. The Shadchan called to tell her that whilst perusing her resume, she noticed that Suri wrote 'secretary' or something similar sounding. The Shadchan asked Suri to please change the resume to state 'office manager' as it sounds better and then send it back to the Shadchan.

I mean-SERIOUSLY?!?!??!

That's A Real Friend

2011-02-23T23:33:00.002-05:00

Let's face it girls, we live in a dog-eat-dog world of Shidduchim. Everyone is 'on the market' at some point or other after seminary/college. Everyone is competing for the next best guy around. It's a fashion show for us-who is the thinnest, who has the best hair, whose makeup is AMAZING, who's instyle and who is outdated. Who is well-dressed and put together and who isn't. Who is wearing the heels and who is wearing the flats.

and a continuous cycle it is-as once one of the girls gets engaged-its who has the bigger diamond, the nicer bracelet, the greater guy, the bigger apartment, etc.

Friendships get awkward as we are constantly being told not to use 'single' friends as references. It's hard to speak to close friends about dating, especially when you're looking for the same type of guy-as what if you say something bad and your friend is dating the guy or liked him, etc.

So out with the old (friends) it is unfortunately and in with the new-or as I like to say 'the marrieds get married and forget your number, forget to call and text' and the singles remain the true friends-until another one bites the dust!

So, this is why I would like to inspire you about having GREAT single friends, as I myself, am very fortunate to have. My close friend, Esty was booking her annual flight to Europe. She has grandparents there that she goes to visit for 2 weeks each year. Shortly before she booked, a mutual friend of ours got engaged. She decided to wait until the friend had her wedding date, so that she shouldn't G-d forbid miss the wedding. When the wedding date was set, Esty booked her flight and arranged to be back for the day of the wedding-which didn't really give her much time in Europe-as everything was set to be soon. Sure enough, Esty's flight back home got cancelled. She tried to get on another flight-not even because she was exhausted from a long red-eye flight, but more importantly, to be at this friend's wedding. She waited long hours in the airport until they were able to get her a connecting flight home. She arrived home shortly before the wedding with enough time, not to unpack, but to shower and get ready. However, Esty was soo tired, she couldn't even drive herself to the wedding. I met up with Esty at the dancing and I hadta say, she looked GREAT. Had I not known what she'd been through just to make it for a friend's wedding I wouldn't have believed it. Not only that-she stayed until the end of the wedding and danced her heart out until literally she couldn't walk straight from lack of sleep for 36 hours.

That my friend, it what I call a GREAT single friend! Someone who goes out of their way to make their friend happy. Someone who thinks of her friend before herself, before her own vacation, before her own exhaustion and to make herself look happy, active and participate in all the dancing and shtick, in order that her friend could have the most awesomest wedding she deserved! (without even mentioning or hinting that she'd just been off a flight!)

May you all have such wonderful single friends!

Don't Make Me Second-Guess Myself!

2011-02-19T23:59:00.002-05:00

Don'tcha just hate it when the 'know-it-alls', aka 'married' (even if it was last week's wedding couple) tell you what to do, think for you and make you second-guess your decisions?

I mean, I've been dating for years now, so I get it all the time, yet it STILL bothers me each time it happens. I get it from mothers, grandmothers, newly weds, engaged couples and it drives me mad!

So, last week when a mother approached me and told me her daughter had a shidduch for me (her newly married daughter-let me add) and she started describing the boy, it was everything I wasn't looking for. I smiled politely, let her finish 'giving the description' and then thanked her. After that I gave her the well-mannered version of 'I DO appreciate your daughter having me in mind-BUT, it's not what I'm looking for and I'm not comfortable going out with that type of boy'.

I went away from that convo feeling pretty good about myself, being polite, not interrupting, and even though inside I was steaming-as this woman KNOWS me and KNOWS that I am NOT looking for THAT type, yet insisted and swore by her daughters now newly-married insights and STILL suggested him-I was polite yet firm.

So, when it just happened that I bumped into one of the local Shadchanim here and we got talking about things in general, and she mentioned a boy who sounded pretty similar, I was a bit annoyed, but STILL didn't wanna jump to conclusions-after all what would the Shadchan have to do with this married and her family and her suggestion? I listened to her describe the boy and then asked her a few main details which the woman from 2 days previous had mentioned in relevance to this specific boy and she was shocked. She asked how I knew. I told her the story and firmly-yet-politely said 'well, I guess this woman figured that perhaps if YOU-as a Shadchan suggested it-then I wouldn't be able to say no'.

So, was I upset? Of course? I'm a big girl now, I make decisions for myself and if I give an answer to someone-I mean it, no matter how they wanna word it, how they wanna describe it or who will suggest it. An answer is an answer-don't make me second guess myself, cuz I won't. I stand firm in my decisions!

If Shidduchim were like Valentines...

2011-02-15T22:12:00.003-05:00

Happy Isru-Valentines Day!

Here's a shout out to all my fellow readers/bloggers. Whilst spending a few hours in the dark (thanks to a very long blackout & an almost low-batteried iPhone), we sat around saying "IF ___ were like ____, THEN ___"

and I figured, why not challenge y'all to come up with your own, by commenting on this post.

Best line gets it's OWN post.

So, get your thinking caps on, cuz it better be good!

"If Shidduchim were like Valentines, then (FILL IN THE BLANK)...."

Happy Valentines!

2011-02-14T21:05:00.001-05:00

Here's a wish for all the Singles out there:

Though you may be home tonight reading a great chick-lit, or watching re-runs of F-R-I-E-N-D-S, or watching the TeVoed episode of last night's Grammys, while curled up in your old, large sweatshirt, with a box of something good and crunchy...alone..

Hopefully next year at this time, you'll be lying on the couch, next to your hubby/wife, reading a chick-lit (ok, maybe not the men...replace with Sports section), or or watching re-runs of F-R-I-E-N-D-S, or watching the TeVoed episode of last night's Grammys, while curled up in your old, large sweatshirt, with a box of something good and crunchy which you will be sharing with your hubby/wife sitting next to you, watching together.

and hopefully by then, you will be wearing something not-so-old and large!

oh, and maybe you won't even be home, but out, spending time as a couple, doin 'things that couples do when in love, y'know, walks on the beach and stuff, y'know' -ok, I couldn't help myself-getting carried away, with the music.

But y'get what I mean. Here's to a year filled with chocolate, flowers, (not-so-secret admirers), jewelery and most of all-LOVE!

Men vs. Women

2011-02-13T22:56:00.001-05:00

Men vs. women [source is unknown]

NEWS BULLETIN - Men and women are NOT alike. Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged:

Relationships:
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Hats:
Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Going out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.

Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.

Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Low Blows:
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels pain.

Directions:
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".

Admitting Mistakes:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Cameras:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4,000 for state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Politics:
Men love to talk politics, but often they forget to do political things such as voting. Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.

Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party".

Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictues of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession wih toys. As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.

Plants:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Mustaches:
Some men look good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.

Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.

Can You Install Love?

2011-02-13T01:16:00.001-05:00

CAN YOU INSTALL LOVE?

Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?

Customer: I can do that. I’m not very techinical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma’am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma’am?

Customer: Let me see...I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of ist own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma’am?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I’m done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says “ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS.“ What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but on non-technical terms it means you have to “LOVE“ your own machine before it can “LOVE“ others.

Customer: What should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory “SELF-ACCEPTANCE“?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART“ DIRECTORY: FORGIVENESS.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

New Age Shidduch Tefillah

2011-02-12T22:23:00.001-05:00

I’m behaving with my best behavior
because I need a major favor.
I’m not asking for money or an expensive "toy"
all I want is one good boy.
please let him have personality & good looks
I don’t need a frankenstein that’s for the books"
he should be learning in yeshiva, "sitting the bench"
and yeh, please make sure he’s a big mentch.
and just remember that every week I hold the havdallah candle very high
that’s to make sure that he’s a taaaaall guy.
don’t let him be fat, overweight or obese,
& not a hatzoloh/shomrim macher with all the keys.
he should be polished, well dressed and in style,
and its a plus if he has a nice looking smile.
let his family be normal, I don’t want a nebachdik mishpacha,
& good GIVING uncontrolling, un-butting in in-laws are a major bracha.
I hate shidduchim, they’re such a pain,
id rather get stuck in a storm of rain.
I hate dating, I hate tu bishvat,
this whole freezer thing should defrost and rot.
whatever u do, just get me outta this situation,
it gives me headaches, stomach aches & other complications.
I’m behaving very good,
I’m trying to do whatever I should
I daven mincha, tehilim, I say the zivug prayer - hey, whatever it takes!
just send me my man already, for heavens sakes!!
PLEASE help me put an end to this annoying stage of my life
and help me become the right guys wife.
don’t torture me, don’t make me cry,
all I’m asking for is MY one guy!

The Shadchan Parody- a Grenade by Shir Soul

2011-02-10T21:13:00.002-05:00

Can we PLEEZ Skip the System?

2011-02-10T20:58:00.002-05:00

OK, guys & gals-we have GOT to get outta this 'Shidduch System'.

I've officially had it. Everything is 'official', 'planned', 'systematized', 'categorized', etc. so much so that everything is second guessing each other. Heck-I'm beginning to second guess my every thought!

Why can't it just be as they have it in all the chick flicks i.e. 2 gals walkin down a busy Manhattan street, as they chat and gossip about their days, they see a couple of cute guys walking past. They turn around, count to 15 (ok, maybe like 7) and then follow discretely behind the men. They end up in a quaint coffee shop/dairy restaurant and end up sitting pretty close. As they order, one of the men hear the girl ordering something that sounds exotic and he questions her about her choice, which in turn gets them talking as to how she knows about her selection and when she first had it, etc. they each have nice convos, find each other interesting, chat throughout their meal and end up taking down the other's number to continue.

Plain. Simple. Neat. Clean.

no 'in-betweener', no 'shadchan', no 'accept match and wait for answer', no 'emailing photos', no 'fax the resume first'.

Why can't things just be simple?

Truth is-even if I see a guy who catches my eye, I wouldn't walk right up to them. Heck-for all I know, he could be married, or even have kids! and THAT would be quite embarrassing, hitting on a married man!

So...singles, help me out here. Any suggestions on how to 'skip the system'?

got this from a friend..won't take it personally

2011-02-08T11:24:00.000-05:00